Baby Meltdown

*Sigh*

It's been hectic and stressful in our household lately.

Night time has become herendous. Laila fights bedtime every.single.night. She screams and screams...and screams for about 20-30 minutes. Sometimes, even longer.

And it's always after her bathtime. We tried a later bathtime, an earlier bathtime, skipping bathtime. None of it worked.

We've tried Gripe Water and Gas Drops. Even tried swaddling her, which she hates.

Nothing seems to work.

And the past couple nights its been even worse because she refuses to let me hold her at night. She kicks and screams and tries to get out of my arms. She wants daddy...

And when that happened, I had a horrible meltdown. I hated hate the feeling of my daughter not wanting to be held by me.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Any tips?

LC

I met with an LC today. Sabrina. She came to my house and even brought her adorable daughter along. Can you believe she breastfed her daughter for FOUR years. That's amazing. Something I could NEVER do! 

Her and I are working on Laila's latch..or lack there-of. We even used my Medela SNS (supplemental nursing system). Which is a PITA. The thing is just so complicated and takes a lot of time and dedication to use, in my opinion.

When we first tried to use it, Laila just screamed. She got so incredibly angry at us, it was unbelievable. I felt terrible. Heartbroken. My baby will never latch :[ 

We took a little break and gave it another shot. The second time she latched on and drank some breast milk (from the tubing) She did that for about a minute and then she got extremely upset because the flow stopped working and nothing was coming out. 

I almost started crying. I can't describe how I felt. To see her suckling. Ah. I miss it already. 

We tired a couple more time after that but she was not interested. She was tired and cranky and wanted nothing to do with my boob for the rest of the day. Which is understandable. This process takes time. I can't expect her to catch on right away. It's a learning process for the both of us. 

Not to mention, I had know idea how to hold her while nursing. I completely forgot everything. 

Sabrina is coming over tomorrow and bringing me a more efficient pump. The Medela PISA. I'm pretty excited to see how this sucker works. 

Other things going on. 

I got my new Canon Rebel XSI in the mail the other day along with my new 50mm f1.8 lens. It's freaking awesome. I'm in love. Although, I have no clue how to use it but I'm learning. I'll post some pictures once I put them on my computer. 

Being back at work is hard. Stressful. Sad. Boring. Fun. Lonely. Eh. I missed working but I miss my daughter even more. I have a hard time concentrating because I'm wondering what she is up to and how she is doing. This leads me to call my mother and in home sitter quite often. But she does fantastic and I love seeing her smile when I wake in the door. Makes my day much brighter. 

Laila went to bed last night at 8 pm and did not wake up till 4 am for a bottle. So, she slept 8 straight hours. This was heaven!!!! After her bottle, she slept till 7:30 and we were then both up for the day. I forgot what it was like to sleep 7 straight hours. {Yes I went to bed at 9pm on a Saturday, L and I actually feel asleep on the couch together.}

Our water heater keeps turning off. Bummer. We called our landlord about it a couple days ago and he never called us back. At 4 am when I made a bottle for Laila, all we had was ice cold water. Not cool. So, Justin called our landlord again. No answer. But he called us back within a few minutes. They came over a couple hours ago and replaced the piece of junk. Hopefully, this means our hot water will last longer than 5 minutes. :]

On that note, I'm going to go shower.

Fussy, Crying, Screaming. Growth Spurt?

I'd be lying if I said the last couple days have been easy. Instead, they have been far from easy. Laila has been really difficult to handle. She's been crying and screaming like never before. And I just don't know how to deal with it. She doesn't anything that she normally wants and she seems to always be hungry. Is this the 6 week growth spurt that I've heard so much about? 

Some days, I don't know what to do. I'm here all alone while Justin works and at times, I find it being too much for me. Some days, I just need a break. Which I feel like I never get. I want to cry some days because I'm lonely and overwhelmed. 

I love L but the past couple days have been so hard on me. It's sad and upsetting and I feel embarrassed. I feel like a bad mom at times for not knowing what to do.

I am really hoping that this is just her 6 week growth spurt and in a few days it will pass. But in the mean time, please pray. 

It's about time.

It's been a rough day in this house since 7 am. Laila spend most of the morning crying and everything Justin and I did to calm her down didn't work. The only time she would stop crying was when she would take a nap or eat. She doesn't want to be held, swaddled, rocked, bounced, sshh'd. She didn't want to be on her play mat or her swing. The ONLY thing that kept her from crying, was eating. So it's been a rough morning in this house and now Justin and I are completely exhausted and worn out. 

I gave her an ounce of formula (after eating 4 oz just 45 minutes before) changed her diaper and laid her down with her soothe&glow seahorse. Within a couple minutes, she was falling asleep and is STILL asleep.

Why we didn't try and give her that earlier?! I have no idea. She loves her seahorse and it's helped numerous times but Justin and I just completely forgot about it. 

I just hate when she cries and nothing that either of us do calm her down. It makes me feel like a horrible mother.

And some more AWESOME NEWS!

I'm getting a DSLR and am super stocked about it. 

I've decided to get the Canon Rebel XSi with OUT the kit lens.

With the Canon 50mm f/1.8 lens.

I can't wait to dillydally around and learn all I can.

January 5th & 6th

January 5th, 2011 - Laila went to the mall for the first time. Even was able to use her stroller that goes along her car seat. Definitely glad I decided on getting a travel system. Of course, she didn't care. Instead, she does what she is best at...sleeping! She did decide to wake up while my aunt and I were eating at Applebees. Luckily, my aunt finished eating and took over so I could eat my food. AND THEN, Laila decided she didn't want ANYTHING. All she wanted to do was scream her head off. Nothing was calming her down, I felt so bad. I hate when she cries and I can't calm her down. I hate when she doesn't even want me or anybody or anything. But after about 5 minutes, she was completely out. I think she was still tired but wasn't letting herself stay awake. Resulting in cranky, screaming baby. And that's her knew thing...fighting sleep. So night time has become very difficult because that's her crankiest time. Especially after bath time. She gets too relaxed and once taken out of the water she gets cold and cranky. She is still amazing though.

I ordered Laila an awesome playmat from Walmart a couple days ago. So, I was so excited to finally go pick it up and take it home. I hoped that she would love it because lately she loves to hangout on her back while toys are dangled in front of her face. That got old real quick because my arms were getting sore.

 It sure looks like she enjoys it :]

That night, while I was taking stuff out of my car, I injured my knee. I knelt down, or at least was in the process, and all of a sudden my whole knee shifted to the left. I screamed in pain and bawled my eyes out. I sat there for a couple minutes because I couldn't move my leg. Pain was radiating through out my leg :[ I took Laila into the house along with the items I had bought and just sat there. Walking hurt too much. I didn't go to the doctor. I dealt with the pain and just slept it off. 

January 6, 2011 - So much for sleeping off the pain. Laila would wake up in the middle of the night to eat and I had such an incredibly difficult time getting out of bed. I could barely move my leg and I whimpered in pain every time I had to walk. That morning I had decided it was time to take a trip to the doctors office. I called up my aunt to see if she was able to drive Laila and I. So glad she works from home. Turns out I tore the cartilage in my knee. Now I'm stuck wearing a brace for the next couple days/weeks or until it's healed. If it doesn't improve I have to get an MRI. Just picture my gimping around with a sexy knee brace. Ahaha. 

Besides that, I got to baby sit my neighbor, Jasmine. She's such a doll and fun to be around. She pulled out every single one of Laila's toys and put them all away. She kind of held Laila but quickly decided that she was too heavy. It was adorable.

I can't wait for Laila to start talking, crawling, walking, chewing on her feet. AH! It excites me.

Oh, and I guess I have mommy brain because the other day I put on two different clogs and didn't realize it until a couple hours later.

That's all for now. 

Justin and I are about to make dinner and watch a movie.