30 Days of Truth: Day 11

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on

I wish I could say I am most complimented on my super hot bod (just by Justin, of course) No way, though. I'm still covered in stretchies with the flabby skin. Shucks. 

But, I guess I would say I am most complimented on my eyes... or my smile. Which I am completely fine with because I agree. I love my smile and I love my eyes. I do wish I had whiter teeth and didn't hide behind so much eyeliner. Maybe I'll fix that.

Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.

Day 2: Something you love about yourself.

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30 Days of Truth: Day 10

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Back in December 2007, I took a trip out to Florida for my sister’s wedding. This was also going to be the first time that I would meet my biological mother. I hadn’t seen her since I was a baby so I don’t remember anything about her. I was nervous, happy and so excited to finally meet her. I made up an image of what she would look like. How she would act. I thought she was going to be perfect.

But when the time came to actual meet her, my stomach sunk and my heart just ached. I felt like I was going to be sick. I didn’t want to meet her anymore. I wanted nothing to do with her. I had a MOTHER, who adopted me when I was 5. I felt like there was no reason for me to know anything about you.

It was too late to turn back, though. I saw her standing there, with a guy. She looked nothing like I had pictured and acted completely different. She wore clothes that looked to be two sizes too small, a tight shirt and a short skirt. She looked nothing like me. She had red hair and freckles covering 85 % of her body. I have freckles covering maybe 2 % of my body with brown hair; I look exactly like my biological father.

She didn’t act her age. Instead, she acted like she was a teenager all over again. And the guy she was with was her husband. My first thought was “What a creep.” He was very touchy feely. I didn’t like him at all.

At the end, I wish I had never met her. And that may seem harsh but I preferred the image I had created over years and years of my life. Reality sucked at that point.

She’s tried to contact me. Especially when she found out that I was pregnant. She told me she would do everything to help me and the baby. I didn’t want her help nor did I need it. So I never responded. She then e-mailed my sister, Leah, on Facebook. She was yelling at her, telling her to leave me alone, to let me make my own decisions. She said some pretty awful and rude things. That was the last time I spoke to her and will ever speak to my biological mother.

I wish I didn’t know my biological mother.

Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.

Day 2: Something you love about yourself.

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

It's about time.

It's been a rough day in this house since 7 am. Laila spend most of the morning crying and everything Justin and I did to calm her down didn't work. The only time she would stop crying was when she would take a nap or eat. She doesn't want to be held, swaddled, rocked, bounced, sshh'd. She didn't want to be on her play mat or her swing. The ONLY thing that kept her from crying, was eating. So it's been a rough morning in this house and now Justin and I are completely exhausted and worn out. 

I gave her an ounce of formula (after eating 4 oz just 45 minutes before) changed her diaper and laid her down with her soothe&glow seahorse. Within a couple minutes, she was falling asleep and is STILL asleep.

Why we didn't try and give her that earlier?! I have no idea. She loves her seahorse and it's helped numerous times but Justin and I just completely forgot about it. 

I just hate when she cries and nothing that either of us do calm her down. It makes me feel like a horrible mother.

And some more AWESOME NEWS!

I'm getting a DSLR and am super stocked about it. 

I've decided to get the Canon Rebel XSi with OUT the kit lens.

With the Canon 50mm f/1.8 lens.

I can't wait to dillydally around and learn all I can.

Photography Jealousy

Yes, that's right.

I am jealous of everyone who has fancy pictures up on their blogs while mine are all taken from my CAMERA PHONE ! Haha

And to be honest, ever since my sister became a photographer, I've been super jealous.

She takes amazing photos. 

I'm completely jealous. 

So now I'm thinking about spending the money and getting myself a fancy dslr. 

And a photo editing program. 

Any recommendations ladies?!

1 Month Check-up

Laila had her 1 month check up today!
Weight: 9 lbs 7 oz
Length: 21 inches

What she does:
She has been cooing like CRAZY lately.
It's freaking awesome.
She smiles, A LOT...the real smiles, not the gas smiles.
She focuses and follows objects.
She knows my voice along with her daddy's.
She is in size 1 diapers.
Mostly wears 0-3 clothes with the occasional newborn outfit.


She also slept for FIVE straight hours last night. That was HEAVEN for me.
Is this the beginning of something?! 

January 5th & 6th

January 5th, 2011 - Laila went to the mall for the first time. Even was able to use her stroller that goes along her car seat. Definitely glad I decided on getting a travel system. Of course, she didn't care. Instead, she does what she is best at...sleeping! She did decide to wake up while my aunt and I were eating at Applebees. Luckily, my aunt finished eating and took over so I could eat my food. AND THEN, Laila decided she didn't want ANYTHING. All she wanted to do was scream her head off. Nothing was calming her down, I felt so bad. I hate when she cries and I can't calm her down. I hate when she doesn't even want me or anybody or anything. But after about 5 minutes, she was completely out. I think she was still tired but wasn't letting herself stay awake. Resulting in cranky, screaming baby. And that's her knew thing...fighting sleep. So night time has become very difficult because that's her crankiest time. Especially after bath time. She gets too relaxed and once taken out of the water she gets cold and cranky. She is still amazing though.

I ordered Laila an awesome playmat from Walmart a couple days ago. So, I was so excited to finally go pick it up and take it home. I hoped that she would love it because lately she loves to hangout on her back while toys are dangled in front of her face. That got old real quick because my arms were getting sore.

 It sure looks like she enjoys it :]

That night, while I was taking stuff out of my car, I injured my knee. I knelt down, or at least was in the process, and all of a sudden my whole knee shifted to the left. I screamed in pain and bawled my eyes out. I sat there for a couple minutes because I couldn't move my leg. Pain was radiating through out my leg :[ I took Laila into the house along with the items I had bought and just sat there. Walking hurt too much. I didn't go to the doctor. I dealt with the pain and just slept it off. 

January 6, 2011 - So much for sleeping off the pain. Laila would wake up in the middle of the night to eat and I had such an incredibly difficult time getting out of bed. I could barely move my leg and I whimpered in pain every time I had to walk. That morning I had decided it was time to take a trip to the doctors office. I called up my aunt to see if she was able to drive Laila and I. So glad she works from home. Turns out I tore the cartilage in my knee. Now I'm stuck wearing a brace for the next couple days/weeks or until it's healed. If it doesn't improve I have to get an MRI. Just picture my gimping around with a sexy knee brace. Ahaha. 

Besides that, I got to baby sit my neighbor, Jasmine. She's such a doll and fun to be around. She pulled out every single one of Laila's toys and put them all away. She kind of held Laila but quickly decided that she was too heavy. It was adorable.

I can't wait for Laila to start talking, crawling, walking, chewing on her feet. AH! It excites me.

Oh, and I guess I have mommy brain because the other day I put on two different clogs and didn't realize it until a couple hours later.

That's all for now. 

Justin and I are about to make dinner and watch a movie.

Lately.

So, I haven't blogged in over a week. We've just been a little busy over here. 

Laila and I started 2011 off with some snuggle time on the couch with a couple movies. 

Justin and I started 2011 off with a HUGE fight. I was ready to walk out the door and take care of Laila on my own.

Am I taking care of her own my own, though? 

Of course not. 

We've discussed what we BOTH need to work on. 

Alone and as a couple. 

We have also tackled A TON of much needed cleaning our house has been dying for. 

Kitchen, master bedroom, master closet, Laila's room. Next is the bathroom. Gross.

That is one room I wish could be skipped. 

My brother, Aaron, also turned 11 on January 2nd. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 

We've also had family functions to attend. 

Other than that, relaxing. 

Soaking everything up. 

Trying to spend family time together. 

Speaking of family time, Justin has been doing much better. 

He's been helping me out A TON lately. I was even able to sleep in till 11:30 on Sunday while he hung out with Laila. 

THAT FELT AMAZING!!!