Nov 3, 2010

10 Things



Since I may be induced, I've been doing some research, not too much though, for the fear of scaring myself. I did find this website that kept everything short and sweet, which I like :]

10 Things to Know Before Being Induced
1. Focus on the positives rather than the change of plans. The mamas and baby's health are all that matters.
2. Life doesn't always coincide with your birth plan. Sometimes the body or the baby has a mind of its own so be flexible to accommodate your needs.
3. There won't be a mad dash while you're in labor. No crazy car rides or frantic pushing of the elevator buttons. You'll likely even carry your own bag.
4. Your hospital may send you home after telling you it's time to come in. When labor rooms are full, scheduled births take a backseat to spontaneous ones.
5. You won't be walking the halls of the hospital. Most induced women are bed bound as fetal heartbeat and uterine contractions are monitored. 
6. A pill may be placed inside your vagina to start of the induction process. (er..no thanks)
7. When the nurse cranks up the pitocin drip, contractions increase and they hurt. 
8. The pain might be more than you can bear as your body has been synthetically sent into childbirth. For comfort, you may consider an epidural. (YES PLEASE!)
9. The doctor may use a small hook, that's painless, to break your bag of water if the amniotic sac does not break on its own.
10. In the end...you won't care how your baby arrived, just that she did!

The end :]


30 Days of Truth: Day 5



Day 5
Something you hope to do in your life

There are many things in life that I would absolutely love to do but I'd have to say I would love to travel. Anywhere and everywhere, just to get out and explore the world. To see what's beyond West Bend. 

I highly doubt I'll ever get the chance.
Nothing wrong with being wishful, I suppose.


Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.






Nov 2, 2010

Doctors Appointment



I just got back from my doctors appointment.

*Had my usual NST.
*Had my first internal, everything is still closed
*Blood pressure was still high 146/78 :[
*Went over results from my 24 urine test
*Protein level from that was 290 mg...300 mg is considered preeclampsia
*Checked my leg reflexes, apparently they're not the greatest, another sign of pre-e
*Was put on complete bedrest until my next appointment this Friday, that means no work. I seriously do not want to follow that rule

*Discussed the future: My doctor will decide if I can go back to work on Friday. If not, I'll continue to be on bed rest. I have an ultrasound on Friday to check baby Laila's growth. Will have to do another 24 hour urine test at 36/37 weeks to check protein levels. If my protein level is 300 mg or higher, Laila will be born...at 37 weeks.

Not cool.

Is in need of...



Is in desperate need of :

A cozy warm fireplace

 Some cuddling with the love


A nice warm hot chocolate


And some much needed cold medicine
I hate being sick :[  
Images from Google

30 Days of Truth: Day 4



Day 4
Something you have to forgive someone for.



I have 3 other biological siblings, who are all amazing but I don’t get to see them as often as I’d like. My older sister, Leah, lives in Ohio. She’s an incredible and an photographer with so much talent and LOVE. I have an older brother, Dom, who is currently fighting for our country over in South Korea. Then there is me and then there is my younger brother, Matt, who is living the college life.


We were all born in Florida but none of us were raised there. At the time, my father decided to pack our bags and take us all to Wisconsin while my mother stayed behind in Florida…never to be heard from again. He was running from the law and both of them could not raise four kids while depending on alcohol and drugs.


Off to Wisconsin we went where most of our family lived. I arrived in Wisconsin with no shoes, hungry and filthy. Luckily for the time being my Aunt & Uncle Premo (dad’s brother) took me in. I wish I could have been able to stay with my siblings but no one wanted all four of us. When staying with them failed, it was time for Foster Care. Luckily, I didn’t bounce around too much and by the time I was five years old, I was living with Sally & Clint, who adopted me when I was 7.


My biological father ended up going to prison for numerous things. I don’t have too many memories but I do have some pictures. I look just like him, which honestly makes me proud because he’s a handsome man. I did have one letter from him, which was lost; he talked about how he missed me and loved me. That letter always brought me to tears. Couple years later, in his 40’s, he passed away from a heart attack. I don’t know what went on in my biological mother’s life while I was growing up. But when I did meet her two years ago, she was remarried.

Ugh, I don’t even know why I’m explaining this all out. But to answer Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

I’d say I’d have to forgive both my biological mother and father. But, it’s just been too hard for me to forgive them. I can’t forgive them for picking drugs and alcohol. I can’t forgive them for giving us up, for the lifestyle they chose. I can’t forgive my father for going to prison, and then dying. I can’t forgive my mother for not even going with to Wisconsin.

It’s been YEARS and I’d love to forgive them because I know they just wanted what was best. Saying good-bye to your child can never be easy but I just have such a hard time forgiving them because they chose their life-style. I feel selfish.

Although it's hard for me to forgive, I'm completely happy with their decision. Make sense?


Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.


Nov 1, 2010

30 Days of Truth: Day 3



Day 3
Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I’ve never been good at forgiving myself or other people. I am definitely the person to hold a grudge. But there are numerous things that I would like to forgive myself for, a lot of which are personal. I’ll list two.

1. I need to forgive myself for the way I treated my parents when I was a teenager. I literally gave them hell through middle school. I treated them so freaking poorly, I don’t know how they ever forgave me. But over time and growing up, our relationship has definitely strengthened and healed. I love my parents unconditionally.

2. I need to forgive myself for intentionally hurting my body…In numerous ways. My depression and eating disorder took over EVERYTHING. And now, I look at myself and I have a daily reminder of what I put myself and my body through.


Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.



Oct 29, 2010

"I don't think you're going to make it to Nov 30th, hun!" 

Those were the words said by my wonderful doctor today at my prenatal appointment. You should have seen the horrified look on my face. I was speechless.

"What do you mean I probably won't make it to Nov 30th?" 

Due to my blood pressure being completely wacked out, she thinks Laila will most likely have to be born early. Maybe around 37 or even 38 weeks. Depending on how my 24 urine results and blood pressure look. 

And at this point, things just aren't looking the best. 

I gained 5 pounds in one week. ONE FREAKING WEEK! She did say it wasn't due to eating, it's just water and swelling. So she started pressing my ankles, and sure enough, they're swollen...bad. 

I've also been seeing little stars in my eyesight, sometimes they go away and sometimes they last for a couple minutes. Crap. 

And she wants me to cut my hours to 30 instead of 40 to make sure I lay down to help the swelling. No :[ I don't want to cut my hours.  I have to make sure Laila is safe, though.

If Laila is born early, around 37 or 38 weeks, that means I only have 2 to 3 more weeks left, which scares the living crap out of me. I'm not ready for her to be out, I have SO much left to do. Yet, I keep complaining and whining that I just want her out. I guess I wasn't expecting all of this to happen though.

And if she has to be born early, I'll have to be induced. For some reason being induced terrifies me, It's not something I wanted. I wanted things to happen naturally and now that may just not happen. 

I even asked my doctor if I will be able to deliver vaginally. She isn't exactly sure yet, a lot of it depends on Laila's size. I'll be given a guesstimate next Friday, Nov 5th when I have my ultrasound. Yay for seeing Laila ! :]

So that's my baby update. I definitely wish things were going much smoother. 

Anyways, it's Oct 29th and that means...it's Justin's 25th Birthday!!! YAY. I completely love that man with my whole heart and everything I have. 

AND on Monday Nov 1st...it's our 3 year anniversary. 3 AMAZING years, can you believe that?? I swear, time flies. I am SO in love with such an amazing man!