My trip to Ohio

My trip to Ohio was amazing, I had a blast spending time with my sister and her fiance, Matt and a couple of her friends. But to say I was excited to come home is definitely an understatement. Because, well, I missed my daughter more than I ever thought I could.

I stayed home all day on Friday to spend as much time with Laila as I could. I just wanted to be with her before I had to leave. We cleaned, played, napped, danced, sang, did some more cleaning, Laila helped with laundry and by helped, I mean, Laila throwed the folded clothes around the living room. I even patiently waited for her early birthday present to show up. And alas, it did, 2 hours before I had to leave to head to the airport. Woohoo!

And look, here she is, sitting like a big girl in her chair, which was her early birthday present. She loves that chair. If anybody is wondering which one it is Harmony Kids Rocker in Light Pink Dot, they have other color options as well but Justin and I both agreed on this one. And it's sooo soft.

When it came time to heading to the airport, I got real nervous and sweaty. It's not that I'm afraid to fly because I love taking off and landing, I was just nervous to leave behind my daughter. And for a second, I even thought I was going to miss my flight because traffic on the way there was HORRIBLE. We drove for probably 20 minutes doing 20 mph. It sucked. By the time we got there, I said my cya laters and gave a ton of kisses. I was bummed Justin and Laila weren't able to come in and spend time with me before I headed to security but we didn't think there would be time. :[

I didn't cry when I said cya later. It wasn't until I was sitting at my gate when tears showed up. I was bummed and kind of regretted not bringing Laila with me...at that time. But once I landed, my sister and Matt picked me up at the airport around 9ish and we had a late dinner and laughed our butts off watching Bridesmaids. Best movie ever.

Saturday was filled with dress shopping for us bridesmaids and that was stressful. The first place had nothing, except some complimentary water, and the second place was way too expensive. So we hit up Davids Bridal and we all found a dress, the same dress in the same color. It's a beautiful dress. After that stressfulness was over and done with, we hit up a Japanese Restaurant called Otanis for my sisters 26th birthday! YUM.

The rest of the evening was filled with way too many Vanilla Vodka + Pineapple juice, Irish Car Bombs, Jameson, Beer, and some other weird drink that I couldn't even name. A nightclub that made my heart feel like it was about to jump out, and late night drunk pizza. I wasn't expecting to drink as much as I did but it happened and it rarely happens. I almost NEVER have a drink in my hand. Last time I drank was my 21st birthday and that was almost 4 months ago, it's really just not my cup of tea and I definitely prefer to be sober. But overall, I had an amazing night, even if I don't remember even going to bed! *sigh*

And even though I stayed up till 3 am, my butt was up at 7 am. It's out of pure habit since Laila is an early riser. I had to take medicine, drink a ton of water, and force myself to go back to sleep. It was a rough morning but nothing french toast can't fix...until it makes you sick on the way to the airport and you have to shyly ask to stop somewhere to use the bathroom. TMI, so sorry.

And, I made it home in one piece and I was so excited to see Laila and Justin. Laila looked like she got bigger while I was gone...can that even happen??!!

It's so nice to be home with my little family but at the same time, I miss being with my sister and hanging out. Not to mention, it was soo nice to sleep in and have some freedom. Gosh, that makes me sound horrible.

&; sorry, I didn't take a single picture what I was gone. The only one I have is of my sister and I, drunk. Not to sure if I want to share that picture...

I'll be back a little later with my Day 8 of Thanks!

30 Days of Thanks: Days 1-7

November is a beautiful month. Filled with leaves falling over the trees, crisp air, delicious food and tons of much needed family time. November is also a special month because it's the month I welcomed my daughter into this world. The 30th, to be exact.

So I've decided to do write down everything I am thankful for, all in 30 days. And since this is a week late, I'll be writing 7 things I'm thankful for..

Day 1: My daughter, Laila Rayne. The most precious, beautiful, sweet, loving, joyful little girl. It's so hard to describe what she means to be because every time I try, a little tear trickles down my cheek. I never knew my heart could ever feel such an immense love for such a little child.

Day 2: My fiance, Justin. The one that's there to let me cry on his shoulder, who gives me strength, who knows exactly how to make me feel better, the man who makes the.best.food.ever, the one that doesn't care that I still act like a kid sometimes. My rock, my soul mate.

Day 3: My job. This may seem lame but I love my job, even though it's a desk job. Every one there is and has been so supportive through out the years that I've been there. Yes, I've had hard times there and yes, I've cried on more than one occasion. But, my job means a lot to me. My job (as well as Justin's) helps support my family. And that's very important to me.

Day 4: My mom and dad. These two are the best. I don't know where I would be without them, literally. They took me in when I was 5 years old because my biological parents couldn't take care of myself and siblings. The feed me and gave me clothes and most importantly, they loved me. I've had horrible horrible times with them and I've said some pretty hateful things but at the end of the day, they were the ones that still loved me and supported me. If they hadn't picked me, I don't know where I would to today and for that, I love them a ton.

Day 5: My best friend, Laura. I've known Laura since freshman year of high school, over 5+ years ago. She knows everything about me, I tell her my secrets and the things I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone else about. This girl is amazing, my best friend.

Day 6: My aunt, Sherry. I love my aunt, so so much. She has always been there for me, especially when I was having troubles with my parents. She bought a bed and would buy food for her house and let me stay there every Friday night to have time away from my parents. This was always a re-fresher and felt nice to get away for a little while, even if she lived right next door, lol. Now, we still hangout all the time. My Saturdays usually consist of Laila and I bumming around with her. It's always a great time, no matter what we do.

Day 7: My blog. I don't blog much, mainly because I just can't find the time. I have so much other stuff to do with my job, my home, my daughter, myself. And sometimes, I just don't want to feel like I have to blog. I blog because it's nice to jot down what we did over the weekend or a fun milestone that Laila did. But I definitely don't make my blog a priority and I'm honestly fine with that. But just knowing that I have a blog and can write what ever I want, makes me feel good.


So...there you have. Seven days of what I am thankful for. I'll be hopefully back every day to make a note of what I am thankful for. I've even thought of doing a "Thankful Jar" at the house. But who knows if Justin would be on board or even remember! Haha

What are you thankful for this November?

I'll be leaving but coming back..

 My heart is breaking at this very moment...

On Friday, I leave my daughter for the very first time and I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that I won't be seeing her till Sunday and who knows what time. I won't be the one bathing her, putting her in her snuggly pajamas and reading her a bedtime story. I won't be able to give her a kiss and a hug, say sweet dreams and kiss her some more. I won't be able to listen to the sound of her fan and breathing over the monitor, the wonderful sound that I fall asleep to every night. I won't be able to sneak in her room and check on her in the middle of the night after a bathroom break. I won't be the one getting up with her, watch cartoons, eat breakfast and play. I won't be able to be with my baby till Sunday and I'm struggling with this.

Maybe I should get to the point of WHY I won't be seeing her. I'm going to Ohio to visit my sister, Leah. I'm stoked to see her since I don't see her that often but at the same time, my heart breaks because I've never been away from Laila...especially overnight.

Justin and I debated back and fourth on me taking her along but the end result was a no :[ I'm terrified to have her fly on a plane..I have this mindset that something is going to go wrong...I feel more comfortable with her staying home with her daddy. Plus, he really wants alone time with her.

I don't know how I'm going to make it...I'm going to cry while I wave bye bye to her :[ It's natural for me. Have I mentioned I cry, like a lot?? Especially lately...

I'm teaching Justin how to Skype before I leave, that's a must because I will NEED to see her somehow and what better way than Skype?! I wish leaving for a couple days would be easier but I just have to remember that I will be back and I'll get to see her smile and laugh all over again.

And of course, what's a post without a picture? Here she is. ALMOST one :]

Pumpkin Patch

Last week (or 2 weeks ago) Justin, Laila and I visited a local Pumpkin Patch. We went just to grab some pictures and watch Laila have a good time. We didn't need to buy any pumpkins this year because my parents grew there own and were kind enough to hand over three to us. So nice of them. Enjoy the over load of pictures :]

This day was overall AWESOME and Laila had a blast, which was the point of going. We did buy her a minature pumpkin, which she just wanted to eat. Sooo..it's now being used for decoration. Haha. I can't wait to go there during winter and see the Christmas trees. I'm not into the real ones because the tend to give me hives. But it'll be awesome to see this place all decorated with Christmas decor. Ah, I cannot wait.

Photography

Photography never use to be a passion of mine, in fact, I never really cared to take a single picture. I'd snap photos here and there of random things going on in my life but didn't give photography a second thought.

Then I got pregnant, and then Laila was born, and oh my gosh, I knew I had to get a DSLR and capture every breath taking moment of my daughters life. I eventaully got one when she was maybe a month or two old.

My camera scared me, intrigued me, I wanted to learn more but at the same time, I was afraid to use it. What if I managed to break it, afterall, I am clumsy.

Anyways, there is always this huge huge part of me that wants to venture out with my camera and become something more, something greater with it. Maybe start a business? I always tell Justin, "I wish I could be a pro photographer and stay home"

I highly doubt I will ever get there because I am not that great! I try to read up but finding the time can be HARD. Ah, excuses are lame.

To help me learn, I started taking the Proud Photography Course. I originally saw it on DPS.com (which is an awesome sight, thanks Sonya!) I wanted to learn more and I love anything online. Buuttttt, I am only on lesson 1 and I joined MONTHS ago, I just haven't had the time. But now, you bet your butt, I am going to get learning with that class. And so far, I do love it. The site it easy to use and it's very informative. I just have to stick to my plan and finish it, especially since I did pay for it!

Lets hope I can stick to this, because I have a love for photography. I want to capture those beautiful moments in my life, in others lives. I just need to start small and stick to my class, oh, and get out there and take pictures!!



**I was not paid or perked in any way to talk about the Proud Photograhy Course**

Body Issues

I'm in such a crappy mood with my weight. I hate the number I see on the scale, I hate the way my body looks. I feel unhealthy and disgusting. There is no such thing as confidence in my world, that all went out the window. And I don't blame it on pregnancy at all. It was my choice to eat the foods I did, to sit on my arse and be lazy.

Ya, I would diet and workout for a while but then all motivation disappeared. I was tired of working out and restricting myself. yada yada yada. But now, I regret it all because I feel like a big pile of mush. I have no self control, I don't know correctly, what's good and bad. Yes, eat veggies, fruits, and lean meats instead of sweets. I know that.

Currently, I have P90X, Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shread, and Jillian Michaels No More Trouble Zones.

Tell me, what are your favorite healthy recipes, workouts, tips, motivational stuff? I could use all the help.

Good thing Pinterest is amazing!


Here are some of my motivational pins

Source: losing30lbsincollege.tumblr.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Source: noskinnybitcheshere.tumblr.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Source: get-thinspiration.tumblr.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Source: None via Jessica on Pinterest

I'm hoping I will have the strength, the courage, to actually get where I want to be.

All About Laila: 10 months!

Laila turned 10 months about 15 days ago and I am know just posting about. Bloggers block? I think so, I've had it for months, what can I say, I've been occupied...

Laila is growing up so quick, right before my eyes. Everyday she is learning something new, saying something new, and it just shocks me. I miss my little baby that slept in my arms all day, she needed me to do everything for her and now...she is so independent, she's her own little person. But, no matter what, she still needs me and no matter what, I'll always be there for her.

Laila is 19 pounds, we currently know this because we had to take her into the doctor for another cold, but this one was bad. She had a fever, double ear infection, runny nose, cough...you name it. You could tell she was just miserable because all she did was sleep and refuse to eat or drink. Laila is almost 100 % better. Woohoo! (Just this past weekend 10/15, Laila had another fever and spent most of her day sleeping on me, I have no idea what is going on!)

She is wearing anything from 6 months to 12 months, big girl! She can no longer fit into anything that is 3 months, which she could for a while. Still in size 3 diapers.

This month we had to switch Laila to formula because of supply issues and stress. *Sigh* Laila almost always refuses to drink the formula, she just isn't into it. We're able to get her to drink a 6 oz bottle in the morning and sometimes at night. During the day, she doesn't want it. She'll maybe drink 3 ounces throughout the whole day. I called my doctor, who told me to continue to try and get her to drink it and to keep her hydrated with water and continue with the solids.

Speaking of solids, Laila is a champ at eating. She eats anything in her sight, she doesn't care what it is, she'll try it. She loves bananas, waffles, those Gerber snack trays, noodles, apples/applesauce. Really, I can get her to eat anything. I hope this stays this way when she gets older. Oh ya, Laila has 8 teeth, 4 bottom 4 top.

Laila is constantly on the move. She'll crawl or push around her toys with her butt in the air. And my favorite of all of them...WALKING! My baby can walk. I was always scared for this day, because it just meant she was getting bigger and I was worried there would be more falls and boo-boos. She can't hold her balance the greatest yet, so she does tend to land on her butt or hands first.

Laila is still sleeping in her crib from night to morning. Bedtime is now around 7:30 sometimes 8, depending on her last nap. She wakes up around 6:30 and is completely ready for the day. Ever since we moved, she has started sleeping completely thru the night, but she has her flukes.

Laila's vocabulary is kind of picking up. She is still saying mom, dada, papa, baba, hi, bye, it sounds like she is saying doggy but it could be something totally different. It also sounds like she says shit...ugh, can she really pick that up at this young of an age? I definitely try to watch my language around her, just in case.

Laila is still in love with the dog, Mykenzie. They're BFF's - sort of - not really. Only in Laila's eyes.

Laila is not shy at all, she will smile and talk to you no matter what. She just loves to interact with other people, especially other kids. But no matter who you are, she'll talk to you.

Loves:
Baths
Staring out the huge living room window
Waiting by the front door for daddy to come home
Strawberries
Remotes
Wall scents (ah!)
Being tickled, mostly behing her ears, neck and armpits
Hide and seek
Laps around the house

Happy 10 months, Laila. Mommy and Daddy love you so much and can't wait to see you grow up some more!

I really suck at taking pictures lately :[ I will regret that.