Hormones.

I’m honestly ready for this pregnancy to be over and for Laila to be out.

It’s just getting to be too much for me.

I have acid reflux like crazy, to the point where I want to clench my own throat.

I can’t fit into any of my clothes.

I have stretch marks SO freaking bad; it almost looks like I was attacked by a lion.

My back is killing me nonstop and nothing seems to be helping, except lying down.

I want to smack Justin in the head sometimes, even though I love him dearly.

My hormones or just up the wing wang and I cannot keep anything straight. I don’t know HOW or WHY he puts up with me.

I'm having health issues :[

My blood pressure has been abnormally high at my last couple appointments. I'm talking 52/184. Believe me, that's NOT a good number at all. I think it mainly has to do with me always being nervous going in.

But now they have to keep a close eye on me.

I also gained 9 lbs in ONE freaking month. Combine those two and...

I may have preeclamapsia.

(Most women who get preeclampsia develop a mild version near their due date, and they and their babies do fine with proper care. But when preeclampsia is severe, it can affect many organs and cause serious or even life-threatening problems. That's why you'll need to deliver early if your condition is severe or getting worse. Preeclampsia causes the blood vessels to constrict, resulting in high blood pressure and a reduced blood flow that can affect organs throughout the body, including the liver, kidneys, and brain. When less blood is being delivered to your uterus, it can mean problems for your baby, such as poor growth, too little amniotic fluid, and placental abruption (when the placenta separates from the uterine wall before delivery.)

Luckily, I haven't had any swelling, just pregnancy face.

Honestly, I'm scared for my life, for my daughters life. I'm terrified that something is going to go terribly wrong and she'll have to be delivered early.

I suppose I should stop worrying. There's no point. It'll just make me more paranoid.

**

I had ordered maternity clothes for a wedding reception that Justin and I were going to on Friday.

At first I was comfortable with the way I was looking, but felt like I didn't look good enough. Sooo..I tried on an old pair of pants I had from high school...totally not a good idea.

Yes, I got them up but no way were those suckers being button OR even zipped.

I completely broke down in front of Justin like a big baby. I just couldn't hide it or hold it in anymore.

Poor Justin, I don't know how he deals with me but I couldn't do this without him. He always makes me feel better and cheers me up.

He even offered to skip the reception but I went for him..I didn't want him to not go and see one of his BEST FRIENDS who he hadn't seen in a while just because his pregnant girlfriend looked/felt like a whale.

Plus, a lot of people from his work were going to be there and they were dying to meet me and my belly :]

We're just THAT cool !

In the end, I had a pretty nice time.

xoxo.

mama & laila