Jan 18, 2012

Working or Staying Home



A couple weeks ago, I was chit chatting on the phone with a client at work. He brought up my daughter, asked how she was doing and then continued to say "oh, your one of those moms." Ya know, the mom that wakes up bright and early, scrambles to get her kid(s) ready, and works long days. Yes guy, I am one of those moms because I need to make a living as well.

I was so furious, but continued to be kind to him, professional. When really, I was just wanted to yell at him. What gives him the right to judge me for working full-time? Sometimes, it just has to be done. I honestly believe he didn't mean for any of it to be rude and he probably didn't think he would upset me, either. But he did.

I can't stop thinking about that comment that was made. I don't want to be that mom. I want to be able to stay home with Laila, make home-made play dough or finger paint. I want to watch her grow and learn, I don't want to miss anything that happens.

But a decision like this is BIG for our family. We'll lose my income, unless I pick up babysitting other kids and I think having once income scares us. What if Justin lost his job or a car broke down? Or our roof needs replacing? Big decisions...grown up decisions, still scare me. I also have guilt for potentially putting all the financially responsibility on Justin. It just isn't fair to him.

I vent to Justin and a lot about this and he always has the same reply, "do what makes YOU happy, Jessica; I will stand behind you."

It's a tough decision but everything in me wants to stay home with Laila and I'm pretty confident that it can happen, in a couple months.

Jan 12, 2012

All About Laila: 13 Months



My baby toddler is 13 months, already!!! Didn't she JUST have her birthday? Crazy how fast time flies.

Laila is getting over a sickness but we aren't entirely sure what sickness it is. The doctor said it could be the virus we all got a couple weeks ago, still lingering around in her system or maybe she ate something funky over the holidays because really, that's when everything started happening. She was spitting up, everything that she drank or ate, even if it was a small amount. She had the worst diarrhea ever and fought you when you tried to change her diaper. I don't blame her for fighting the changes, I'm sure it hurt.

She seems to be doing better, still working on getting her system completely back to normal, though. She is finally off the only-liquid-diet and is making her way to bananas, rice, applesauce and toast. The can handle those things but eventually we'll have to start adding other items, I'm just afraid the diarrhea will come back. She hasn't had milk in days, except I gave her some this morning, lets hope that didn't cause her tummy to be upset. She loves the grape Pedialyte and drank that up as soon as possible.

At Laila's last doctor appointment, which was January 5th, Laila weighed in at 19.4 (5?) pounds. Exactly 1 pound less than what she weighed at her 1 year check up, which was on December 2. The fact she she lost 1 pound, just scared me but the doctor told me not to worry, so worry I shall not.

When she isn't sick, she was an appetite and loves to eat, and eat anything. It's pretty amazing what that girl can handle. Bananas are still her favorite and she recently just started to love eating oranges. My fruit girl!

She's drinking milk at her meals and water in between. Personally, I don't give her juice because when she was younger and had some, she wouldn't drink her water. She instantly got addicted to the juice so I took it away as fast as possible. No, I don't completley deprive my daughter of it, she has it once in a while and by once in a while, I mean 3 times a month, maybe, if that. Water is better for you anways :)

She is constantly talking and learning how to say her own version of words. She doesn't sign to often. I've really only been able to get her to do it sometimes. The only one she signs a lot lately, is uppy. But, I also haven't been working on signing with her too much.

She'll pick up her toys but you have to help her. Monkey see monkey do. That's what it's like with her.

She hugs, kisses you, gives you high fives. She tries to ride the dog and will sit on her and cuddle with her. Can't lie, it's adorable.

Laila is still sleeping in her own room, usually going to bed around 7:30-8. The past couples nights, she's wanted to fall asleep in my arms, or come into bed with us. I think that has a lot to do with her being sick. Her bathtimes have been moved to every other night, since her skin has been getting dry, even with moisturizing it.

She is still a big fan of bath time. We have a cup in there, she'll fill it up with water and slowly pour the water onto her body, just like she has seen me do - and yes, we take baths together every once in a while. She's also a big fan of lying on her belly, once again, and blowing bubbles.

She's walking, running, trying to climb the stairs. She tries to climb into her high chair when she wants food. She pushes our kitchen chairs around (they're old school and have the rolly things on the bottom) climbs into one and sits there. She is seriously repeating everything you do now. It's scary!!!

She has to climb onto everything and once she's up, she must come done and then up, down, up down. It's a game to her.

Laila does watch T.V. Not for long amounts of time and usually just in the morning when she wakes up. Those shows on Disney, all the baby ones. She'll lay in my lap and stare. I like this because it's the best time I can get my cuddles in.

Laila has been a daddy's girl since day 1 and there were some nights that she wouldn't let me near her. She would cry and scream if I held her and I would instantly start crying. That hasn't happened in a while, though. The past couple weeks, she seems to be turning into a mama's girl! She always wants me, and not daddy as much. Yes, she still preferes him at times, but everything is mama lately. I don't mind. She's even gotten upset in the mornings when I have to leave her for work. I think it's all the time we've been spending together, since I've been taking a ton of vacation.

Laila has 4 bottom and 4 top teeth. Pretty soon, though, she'll have 6 bottom teeth. Chompers. Oh, and Laila loves to brush her teeth, unless it's just that baby toothpaste she likes to suck off. Either way, she gets all giddy when I pull her toothbrush out.

Laila is pretty calm and doesn't have too bad of an attitude. It's definitely tolerable at this moment. She'll get upset and lay on the floor, cry, and look up at you with this cute face. Haha, I can expect this to get worse when she gets older.

She's also still a huge huge fan of her paci. I haven't even attempted to take it away from her, though. I'm pretty sure her and I are both addicted to it.

Yup, that's my 13 month old. A happy, smiley, friendly, toddler who is the best ever. Being a mom is seriously the greatest feeling ever!

Jan 10, 2012

2012 Resolutions



I don't even think I made any 2011 resolutions last year, besides lose weight and that one definitely didn't happen (besides a few pounds here and there) and I didn't think I was going to make any this year but, here I am, about to write them out. I might regret this later because now I'll be sharing my resolutions not with just me and my fiance, but with whoever reads this, if anyone does at all. And, instead of me just caring and feeling disappointment if I fail, I'll have to worry about others and if they'll be disappointed or even just a smidge bummed out, haha

Here they are anyways:

1. Lose Weight - I can't even believe I'm putting this one back up there and it's been on one of these lists for years now! How shameful but it's something I need/want to do. It's more than just being "skinny" I want to feel good about myself and not be embarrassed, I don't want to have to hide myself in unfashionable clothes. I wanna look good and there's nothing wrong with that but I also want to do it in a healthy way!

2. Budget My Money - Justin and I have our own bank accounts. His money is his and my money is mine. We each pay our bills, which are evenly split between the two of us, for the most part. We go to each other when one wants to purchase something big and expensive and we have to make sure it's do-able. But, we don't really "budget" Money gets thrown around on stupid stuff - and that's our issue and honestly, sometimes we just don't know where the heck $50 went, or $100, I hate it and I really want us to start budgeting and watching where our money goes and STOP the random spending.

3. Meal Planning - I made a fancy meal planner chart and hung it on our fridge. I love it and we used it for a couple weeks and stopped. Not because we were bored with it, thought it was too much work, or any of those nonsense reasons. We bought a home and that totally threw us off! It ended up being packed away and then I had no clue where the heck I hid that thing but now, I stare at it everyday, wanting to get back into it because it made everything SO much easier. In the financial department, especially. No last minute grocery runs because we don't have anything to eat, when really, we have a ton to eat. So I'm really hoping to jump back on board with this one.

4. Photograph More - First and foremost, I haven't pulled out my DSLR or camera phone in such a long time, I don't know why because it's something I love and it's something Justin and I even talked about turning into a career, my career. So, I'm a little confused...with myself WHY I haven't been using it as often. But I'm really hoping to pull that bad boy out and learn even more.

5. Read Read Read - I absolutely LOVE my Kindle, best thing ever and I really want to make sure I take full advantage of it and read as many books as I can this year, especially since reading is one of those things that fully-relaxes me and almost every night, I fall asleep reading. I find it comforting. So, in 2012, I would like to read 36 books, 3 books a month. I'm very confident that I'll be able to reach this goal! If you have book recommendations, please feel free to let me know!

6. Bring out my Crafty Side - I made Laila's mobile, I made her letters hanging above her crib, I've made things around the house, and I've enjoyed every second of it. And I really want to make sure, that in 2012, I really bring out my crafty side and work on a ton of DIY projects that I currently have pinned that are gathering dust, haha. I even want to learn how to crochet (again) this year. Lets hope I can do all that in 2012!

7. Be the best freaking mom, ever! of course :]

Um, I think that's all the resolutions for now and even though I have some for the family as well, I felt like just sharing my personal ones (besides the budgeting) I'm really excited for 2012 and to see what's in store!

Jan 9, 2012

It'll happen, eventually



I'm just getting back into the swing of things after the holiday season and enjoying so many days off of work, which has been SO incredibly nice, and after it all, I just can't (or maybe I just don't) want to get back into my old full-time workin' life.

I have a couple of posts to write about, including our 2011 in review, my 2012 resolutions, All About Laila: 13 months and then I wanted to write more about my struggles with working full-time, but I'm just so behind and I can't seem to catch up.

Poo. I'll get there