38 weeks 4 days. ALMOST DONE!!

How far along? 38 weeks 4 days. ALMOST DONE!!

Weight gain/loss: I've gained around 30 pounds but I'm starting to lose some..(which secretly makes me happy)

Maternity clothes? You seriously think I could fit my fat ass into normal jeans. I think not.

Stretch marks? All over my belly and I even have some on my legs.

Sleep? I guess sleep isn't horrible. I wake up usually 2-3 times a night to use the bathroom. Rolling over/getting out of bed is very difficult for me at this point in my pregnancy. It'll make ya laugh when you hear my grunt as I try and get up. But I try to get a lot of sleep to let me body rest and get better from my cold.

Best moment this week? My weeks are pretty lonely and boring since I haven't been working so I have to say the best moment this week...so far...was so my appointment on Monday. Although, I am not dilated yet, Laila has dropped super low and I even lost my err "plug" if ya know what I'm takin' about. Oh ya, also Laila had her Biophysical Profile on Tuesday and she passed. Got the best score she could get, 8/8! It was freaking neat to see her "practice breathing"

Food cravings: Steak, with mashed potatoes, green beans with bacon & onions, some delicious rolls. I think Thanksgiving is getting to my head.

Gender: All girl, baby!

Belly button in or out? I guess I would say flat. It's just super creepy. It almost looks like it's not even there!

Movement? She graduated a long time ago to rolling. That girl is way to crammed to be punching mommy. She does get the occasional hiccups which I just love and has also taken it upon her to hurt me by head butting my cervix :[ That sometimes almost makes me cry.

What I miss? I miss not being a huge whale who can barely get up. I miss sleeping on my stomach and being comfortable. I miss my old body (even though I kind of hated it) I miss NOT being sick, seriously.

Labor Signs: I lost my "plug" and I have REAL contractions sometimes. :]

What I'm looking forward to: THANKSGIVING!!! FOOODDD!!! I have such an appetite but I always feel bad when I eat. Like, what did I just dooooo, get it out of meeee. Ugh. Yet, I still love food. December 4th is quickly approaching and I can't wait for baby Laila to make her sweet arrival.

Milestones:  Laila dropping. :] Good enough for me.

 Taken Today (11.24.10) 38 weeks 4 days.

Mhm. I look sccarreedddd.

What's Laila Up To?

Hey, your little one isn't so little anymore, weighing close to seven pounds and measuring 20 inches long. Fetal development is nearly complete as your baby tends to a few last-minute details like shedding the skin-protecting vernix and lanugo. She's also producing more surfactant, a substance that prevents the air sacs in her lungs from sticking to one another once she starts to breathe. Most of the changes this week are small but important: She’s continuing to add fat (so she can take advantage of all those photo ops by sporting a round, cute baby look!) and fine-tuning her brain and nervous system (so she can deal with all the stimulation that awaits her once she makes her entrance into the world).

 

Baby Shoes

I just can't help it.

I sure want Laila to have a pair of THESE AWESOME SHOES :]

Or THESE ADORABLE MOCS

Aren't these SO cute?!

I'll stop. I promise. For now. 

30 Days of Truth Day 8

I've been such a slacker with my 30 Days of Truth 

Day 8

Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

I will admit, that person would be ME. I made my life hell, I treated myself like complete shit.

I didn't see the point of life...of MY life. I tried giving up numerous times but here I am today. I never wanted to get out of bed to visit friends. I never wanted to eat. I didn't want to smile or laugh or have hope for the next day. I stopped doing things that I was completely in love with. I wanted to be alone all the time, to sleep and curl up in a little ball.

I took out my frustration and hurt on my body. I said goodbye to all my old loves in life and my new favorite items in life were  sweatshirts 2 sizes too big, alcohol, anything sharp and drugs. I did anything to try and make the pain go away. I felt like there was no hope. I didn't want to live and I felt everyone would be better of without me. I gave up on MY life.

But here I am today, completely in love with life and what God has given me. I look back and seriously wonder what the heckers was wrong with me?? WHY did I do that stuff?? 

I'm not proud of my past, I'm completely ashamed and embarrassed but I don't sit here and regret anything because I've grown up a lot and with growing up, comes learning a lot. And I have definitely learned a lot. I've found a new appreciation in life and look forward to everyday. I thank GOD for giving me a 2nd chance.

Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Failed Induction

November 15, 2010
At this point in my pregnancy, I was no longer working and was on strict orders to take it easy due to pregnancy induced hypertension. On November 15, 2010, I had an appointment to see my doctor to discuss my most recent 24 urine test and NST.

My protein results came back completely normal, which my doctor and I were both very excited about. Laila looked perfect on the monitor and I was not dilated at all.  Laila was not ready to come out, at all. The bad news, my blood pressure had spiked to 143/98. Next thing I knew, my doctor was telling me that Laila needs to come out because of my blood pressure, she was worried I would develop preeclampsia, since earlier one, I was already showing signs.

I was…freaked to say the least. I wasn’t expecting to be induced this early on; my due date wasn’t until December 7, 2010.

I gave Justin a call and gave him the details of what was happening…and going to happen. Justin and I were completely unprepared for this to happen. I still had to finish laundry, that I had started that morning, sterilize my breast pump, nuks and bottles. We didn’t even have our car seat base in the car and our bags weren’t packed.

Once I fully comprehended what was going on, I headed home to sort some stuff out. I managed to take a relaxing shower, pack our bags, and clean. Justin put the base into the car and we finally headed to the hospital around 3pm, 3 ½ hours after my appointment.

I walked into the hospital, hand in hand with Justin, nervous and excited at the same time. It felt so great to know that by on November 16, 2010 my daughter would (should) be born. The check-in lady was so kind to us, trying to calm my nerves. We were taken up to our room and I was asked to change into the oh-so-beautiful gowns and was then hooked up to the monitors and an IV was placed into my hand. Justin called my mom and let her in on the news.

Around 4pm, my nurse Stacey, who was also pregnant, came in and inserted cervidil to help “ripen” my cervix. Once that was placed, I was to stay in bed for 2 hours. After 2 hours passed, I was able to walk around freely with the monitor still attached.

The rest of that night was pretty uneventful, Justin and I just spent time in our room and watched what was on TV and ate a delicious meal from Subway.  And then, my cold came back, the one that took about a month to finally disappear and it came back full force. I couldn’t breathe out of my nose and my throat was itchy, my whole entire body felt like it was on fire, just extremely hot. I was more than miserable and I didn’t want to feel like this while giving birth to Laila. I wasn’t allowed to have medicine until the next day, I just had to wait it out and see if I would get better on my own.

By 9 o’clock, Justin and I fell asleep. Sleeping was not comfortable, I was tossing and turning and had a hard time getting comfortable. I missed the comfort of my own bed. And every time Laila’s heartbeat disappeared off the monitor, a nurse came in to re adjust the monitor.

November 16, 2010

Around 3:50 am, my new nurse Shelly came in to take out the cervidil that was inserted the day before. The cervidil didn’t help at all and I was not dilated one bit. I showered and waiting for a new medicine to be inserted, cytotec, which happened around 5:30 am. This dose was to be inserted every 3 hours. I went back to bed and was woken up at 7:30 am.

Justin continued to sleep because I wanted to make sure he was well rested as well. We both knew it was going to be a long day. I watched TV and around 8:30 am, Justin woke up and my mom came to keep us company. By this time, 3 hours had passed and I was given another dose of cytotec.

The first round of cytotec didn’t seem to do anything to my body but the second round did cause some pain from the contractions but it wasn’t anything that wasn’t manageable. I enjoyed a nice breakfast, biscuit and pancakes. Eating was…difficult, since I had to be lying down or on my side. After the hour had passed, I was free to walk around; I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes.

My third dose was inserted at 11:30 am and I was ready to go back to bed at this point but I couldn’t sleep because of my miserable cold that still lingered. This round of cytotec was much more intense, as it’s supposed to be. My contractions were getting stronger and sitting up quickly became uncomfortable.

Time passed, time for the fourth dose, 2:30 pm. Justin’s mom showed up and spent some time with us, my mom was also there. We walked around, talked, and overall just tried to relax. I wasn’t able to relax though because this fourth dose was the most uncomfortable. My contractions hurt and I was just sore.

3 hours passed, slowly and it was time for yet another dose at 5:30 pm. But, this dose was not inserted, they held off because after everything I’d been through and after all the doses, I was only a fingertip dilated. I was pretty hurt because I had barely made any progress. I was starting to feel like a failure because my daughter was suppose to be born a couple hours before this and yet, she was still an inside baby.

My doctor, Dr. Jayne came in and gave me some options. They could give me the next dose and see how I progress, if I’m doing better, I can stay. If not, I would be sent home the next day (Wednesday) I told her to give me the next dose because I was determined to make this work but after she stepped out, I completely broke down.

I couldn’t control the tears. I was miserable from my cold and felt horrible for not progressing. I didn’t want to keep going and forcing my body to go into labor when clearly, it was just not ready too. I wanted to go home, to sleep in my own bed, and to get rid of this horrible cold. I wanted to give birth to Laila while I was not sick and when my body and she were ready.

I let Justin head home for a bit to let our dog out, we only live about 5-10 minutes ago. This gave me some time to talk to my mom about my decision to not get another dose and head home. I called my nurse in and told her what I wanted to do and she completely agreed. My doctor was on board with this idea as well. There was no point in fighting with Mother Nature when my body wasn’t ready and there was no point of doing a c-section since my blood pressure was consistently lower while I was there.

I called Justin and told him that we’d be heading home and to come back. I started packing up our bags while the nurse got my discharge paperwork together.

Walking out of the hospital was bitter-sweet for Justin and I. I thought we’d be leaving with her outside of my belly but it just wasn’t time and there was no point in fighting it. Laila will be born when she is ready.

November 17, 2010

We’re back home, I’m still sick and having painful contractions from all the doses of medicine that were given to me while at the hospital.

I’m still upset about the induction failing but my body couldn’t keep up.

30 Days of Truth: Day 7

Day 7

Someone who has made your life worth living for.

I'm such a slacker and still horribly sick, so I'm making this short and sweet. 

Justin has made my life worth living for. When I meet him, I was going through such a hard time in my life. Nothing was right, everything was just completely wrong and I was struggling day to day. He showed me hope and that things do get better. Everyday, he makes my life worth living for.

Plus, I lovveee kissing his face :]

I love this picture.
Taken winter 09'

Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Whhyyy Meee?!?

Bed rest has helped!! Which is AMAZING :]

My blood pressure was slightly down, I somehow lost weight while being lazy, Laila did awesome during the non stress test,  I was having a few contractions, though. Nothing I could feel. Still not dilated, no surprise. I will not be returning to work for the remainder of my pregnancy, so I had to have my Dr. fill out my short term disability paperwork. We both just decided that's it's better for me to continue bed rest/taking it easy. That way IF my blood pressure does rise, she won't have to take me out of work AGAIN.

***

I had an ultrasound today and it was awesome to get to see Laila again. She is head down, with her feet RIGHT by her face, almost looked like she was trying to suck on her toesies. It was pretty funny to see. She is around 5 pounds 15 ounces and the most perfect, beautiful girl. I'm sooo confused though, according to the ultrasound technician, they have my due date as December 13th?!?! (they just went off my last ultrasound date) Which would only make me 34 weeks 4 days. But I was always told that my due date was December 4th (going off my lmp) making me 36 weeks tomorrow. After I left my appointment, I rushed to call my doctor to figure this out..she wasn't in anymore :[ I'll have to wait till Monday now to see what the dealio is with that. I seriously doubt that my due date is December 13th. So I'm sticking with the 4th!

***

As for me, I feel like crap. I'm on day something of being sick. I have a horrible cold. I can't breathe out of my nose because it's all stuffy...yet it's still all gross and runny. And not being able to breathe out of my nose is causing me to snore :[ poor Justin. I feel so bad. I can't even have the heat on at night while I sleep, so I have to sleep with the window cracked open a bit. I'm going to freeze him to death. My throat is super sore and now I'm starting to get a horrible cough, my whole entire body is aching in pain. I'm getting on and off fevers. Oy, whyyyy meee?

***

Tomorrow, Justin and I are attending a wedding. My coworkers beautiful daughter is getting married! Marriage makes me happy. We decided that we are not attending the ceremony and to just attend the reception. Going to both is too much for me with being sick. It'll be nice to see all my coworkers, though. I'm pretty excited. 

I'm exhausted. All I want to do is sleep. 

Zzzzzz

30 Days of Truth: Day 6

Day 6

Something you hope you never have to do. 

I hope I never have to say Good-Bye to the love, Justin. That would seriously break my heart. I'm completely in love with this man and couldn't imagine not going to bed without him, not seeing his smile or hearing his voice, laughing at his silly jokes. This man has my heart.

Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

10 Things

Since I may be induced, I've been doing some research, not too much though, for the fear of scaring myself. I did find this website that kept everything short and sweet, which I like :]

10 Things to Know Before Being Induced

1. Focus on the positives rather than the change of plans. The mamas and baby's health are all that matters.

2. Life doesn't always coincide with your birth plan. Sometimes the body or the baby has a mind of its own so be flexible to accommodate your needs.

3. There won't be a mad dash while you're in labor. No crazy car rides or frantic pushing of the elevator buttons. You'll likely even carry your own bag.

4. Your hospital may send you home after telling you it's time to come in. When labor rooms are full, scheduled births take a backseat to spontaneous ones.

5. You won't be walking the halls of the hospital. Most induced women are bed bound as fetal heartbeat and uterine contractions are monitored. 

6. A pill may be placed inside your vagina to start of the induction process. (er..no thanks)

7. When the nurse cranks up the pitocin drip, contractions increase and they hurt. 

8. The pain might be more than you can bear as your body has been synthetically sent into childbirth. For comfort, you may consider an epidural. (YES PLEASE!)

9. The doctor may use a small hook, that's painless, to break your bag of water if the amniotic sac does not break on its own.

10. In the end...you won't care how your baby arrived, just that she did!

The end :]

30 Days of Truth: Day 5

Day 5

Something you hope to do in your life

There are many things in life that I would absolutely love to do but I'd have to say I would love to travel. Anywhere and everywhere, just to get out and explore the world. To see what's beyond West Bend. 

I highly doubt I'll ever get the chance.

Nothing wrong with being wishful, I suppose.

Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Doctors Appointment

I just got back from my doctors appointment.

*Had my usual NST.

*Had my first internal, everything is still closed

*Blood pressure was still high 146/78 :[

*Went over results from my 24 urine test

*Protein level from that was 290 mg...300 mg is considered preeclampsia

*Checked my leg reflexes, apparently they're not the greatest, another sign of pre-e

*Was put on complete bedrest until my next appointment this Friday, that means no work. I seriously do not want to follow that rule

*Discussed the future: My doctor will decide if I can go back to work on Friday. If not, I'll continue to be on bed rest. I have an ultrasound on Friday to check baby Laila's growth. Will have to do another 24 hour urine test at 36/37 weeks to check protein levels. If my protein level is 300 mg or higher, Laila will be born...at 37 weeks.

Not cool.

Is in need of...

Is in desperate need of :

A cozy warm fireplace

 Some cuddling with the love

A nice warm hot chocolate

And some much needed cold medicine

I hate being sick :[  

Images from Google

30 Days of Truth: Day 4

Day 4

Something you have to forgive someone for.

I have 3 other biological siblings, who are all amazing but I don’t get to see them as often as I’d like. My older sister, Leah, lives in Ohio. She’s an incredible and an photographer with so much talent and LOVE. I have an older brother, Dom, who is currently fighting for our country over in South Korea. Then there is me and then there is my younger brother, Matt, who is living the college life.


We were all born in Florida but none of us were raised there. At the time, my father decided to pack our bags and take us all to Wisconsin while my mother stayed behind in Florida…never to be heard from again. He was running from the law and both of them could not raise four kids while depending on alcohol and drugs.


Off to Wisconsin we went where most of our family lived. I arrived in Wisconsin with no shoes, hungry and filthy. Luckily for the time being my Aunt & Uncle Premo (dad’s brother) took me in. I wish I could have been able to stay with my siblings but no one wanted all four of us. When staying with them failed, it was time for Foster Care. Luckily, I didn’t bounce around too much and by the time I was five years old, I was living with Sally & Clint, who adopted me when I was 7.


My biological father ended up going to prison for numerous things. I don’t have too many memories but I do have some pictures. I look just like him, which honestly makes me proud because he’s a handsome man. I did have one letter from him, which was lost; he talked about how he missed me and loved me. That letter always brought me to tears. Couple years later, in his 40’s, he passed away from a heart attack. I don’t know what went on in my biological mother’s life while I was growing up. But when I did meet her two years ago, she was remarried.

Ugh, I don’t even know why I’m explaining this all out. But to answer Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

I’d say I’d have to forgive both my biological mother and father. But, it’s just been too hard for me to forgive them. I can’t forgive them for picking drugs and alcohol. I can’t forgive them for giving us up, for the lifestyle they chose. I can’t forgive my father for going to prison, and then dying. I can’t forgive my mother for not even going with to Wisconsin.

It’s been YEARS and I’d love to forgive them because I know they just wanted what was best. Saying good-bye to your child can never be easy but I just have such a hard time forgiving them because they chose their life-style. I feel selfish.

Although it's hard for me to forgive, I'm completely happy with their decision. Make sense?

Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for. Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30 Days of Truth: Day 3

Day 3

Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I’ve never been good at forgiving myself or other people. I am definitely the person to hold a grudge. But there are numerous things that I would like to forgive myself for, a lot of which are personal. I’ll list two.

1. I need to forgive myself for the way I treated my parents when I was a teenager. I literally gave them hell through middle school. I treated them so freaking poorly, I don’t know how they ever forgave me. But over time and growing up, our relationship has definitely strengthened and healed. I love my parents unconditionally.

2. I need to forgive myself for intentionally hurting my body…In numerous ways. My depression and eating disorder took over EVERYTHING. And now, I look at myself and I have a daily reminder of what I put myself and my body through.

Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.