Jan 8, 2011

30 Days of Truth: Day 10

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Back in December 2007, I took a trip out to Florida for my sister’s wedding. This was also going to be the first time that I would meet my biological mother. I hadn’t seen her since I was a baby so I don’t remember anything about her. I was nervous, happy and so excited to finally meet her. I made up an image of what she would look like. How she would act. I thought she was going to be perfect.

But when the time came to actual meet her, my stomach sunk and my heart just ached. I felt like I was going to be sick. I didn’t want to meet her anymore. I wanted nothing to do with her. I had a MOTHER, who adopted me when I was 5. I felt like there was no reason for me to know anything about you.

It was too late to turn back, though. I saw her standing there, with a guy. She looked nothing like I had pictured and acted completely different. She wore clothes that looked to be two sizes too small, a tight shirt and a short skirt. She looked nothing like me. She had red hair and freckles covering 85 % of her body. I have freckles covering maybe 2 % of my body with brown hair; I look exactly like my biological father.

She didn’t act her age. Instead, she acted like she was a teenager all over again. And the guy she was with was her husband. My first thought was “What a creep.” He was very touchy feely. I didn’t like him at all.

At the end, I wish I had never met her. And that may seem harsh but I preferred the image I had created over years and years of my life. Reality sucked at that point.

She’s tried to contact me. Especially when she found out that I was pregnant. She told me she would do everything to help me and the baby. I didn’t want her help nor did I need it. So I never responded. She then e-mailed my sister, Leah, on Facebook. She was yelling at her, telling her to leave me alone, to let me make my own decisions. She said some pretty awful and rude things. That was the last time I spoke to her and will ever speak to my biological mother.

I wish I didn’t know my biological mother.

Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

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