Update

One of my FOUR positive pregnancy tests!

Hehe, Just a quick update with the pregnancy: So far I've been to the lab twice, first time my HCG level was at 186 and second time was 389. I'm going in AGAIN on Monday to have another test done, ehh I don't think my vein can take it anymore!

I'm writing this as I'm watching New Moon, and I really don't care what anyone says about The Twilight Saga, I LOVE IT! New Moon wasn't my favorite though but I have all books and Justin's mama got me Twilight so...of course I had to buy New Moon. 

Justin's home from work, thank goodness, I was dying of boredom. Good thing was I did get a nap in, I was exhausted. You have know idea! His brother, Cody, is here as well. I don't mind. 

That's all for now. Didn't really have much to say. :P

xo.

Jessica

The Day That Changed Our Life

March 22, 2010

It was just another normal Monday for me. I woke up at 6 am, brushed my teeth, washed my face, did my make-up, did my hair, got dressed, bummed around the house for a little bit until it was time for me to go to work. Work was nothing too exciting, just another normal work day for me. The day went by pretty quick, it was approaching 3:00 and almost time for me to leave work, go home for a little bit and donate blood :] Which I absolutely LOVE doing. I also love the fact that MY o negative blood is saving someone’s life. It’s an awesome feeling!!!

Lately, I’ve noticed something wasn’t right with my body, the way I was feeling. My boobs were in so much pain, I could hardly sleep. What was going on? :/ That ‘normal’ Monday turned into a not so normal Monday after all. On Monday, March 22, 2010 at 3:02 pm, I found out that I am pregnant. I honestly took the test expecting it to say ‘not pregnant’ thinking this way I was feeling was just my period, but I was wrong. I was completely wrong. I didn’t want to look at the test, and I definitely did not want to be at work. So I shut my computer down, turned off all the lights, locked up and I was on my way home.

I needed a girl to talk to, so I called Hannah Banana. I talked with her my whole way home and a couple minutes after I got home, until Justin’s car pulled up. Now it was time for me to tell him, I was scared. I didn’t know how to say it. I didn’t tell him right away, instead I let him work on his car for a little bit until he could tell something was wrong. He starts asking questions and finally says “Are you pregnant?” That was when I burst into tears and he knew what the answer was. He hugged me; he kissed me and told me he wasn’t mad, that he was actually kind of happy. I started going on and on about how I won’t be able to use my Six Flags Season Pass, how I was no longer able to donate blood.


The rest of the night we talked, relaxed and went to Walgreens to buy more tests. I have taken 3 so far!! All say Pregnant. I suppose now is the time to call and make an appointment and start reading baby books, because I have no idea what to do next!

xo.

Jessica

Total Randomness.

Where did the snow come from? Seriously, I was getting so use to this warm weather with the sun shining, windows wide open, and spending lots of time outside. Instead, this morning I woke up to snow on the ground. Definitely not my favorite. I'm hoping and praying that this is the last of the snow. I'm ready to plant some flowers!! :]

I recently found out my sister, Leah is getting a divorce after being married to her husband, Eric for two years. This really crushed me. I knew nothing of their problems they were having, probably because I haven't visited since they got married. Which now, I totally regret. I should have visited. Could I possibly have prevented this? Probably not, but I can't help but think and wonder. I love both Leah and Eric dearly and I want them to work it out, but according to Eric, she does not want to go to counseling or put forth the effort to fix anything. I never thought this was going to be possible for the two of them. I thought they were happy, but again, I know nothing since I haven't visited in a while. Oh, but they did come to Wisconsin last Christmas.

I rarely ever get to see my sister. Growing up, I didn't have her in my life. Maybe if my biological mother and father decided to keep my sister, myself, and our two brothers, things would have been different. See, we were all born in Florida, but one day my dad took us all to Wisconsin because they could no longer take care of us and give us what we needed. Soon after that, I was placed into foster care. I was filthy, I had no shoes and I was hungry. By the time I was five, I was living with Sally and Clint, who adopted me when I was seven, and honestly, I couldn't be more happy to have them as my mother and father. Trust me, I use to hate the fact that I was adopted, the fact that my own mother and father couldn't take of me or my siblings. I was a wreck growing up, always getting in trouble, rebelling, hurting myself, simply not wanting to live my life anymore. I was so hurt and so ashamed of who I was. I didn't want to go on.

I had no memories of my childhood with my biological mother and father, simply just a letter my biological father wrote to me. He told me he missed me and he loved me. I lost that letter, I lost the only thing I had from my biological father. Then, he died. I don't know how, I don't know when, all I know is that it was about ten years ago. All I know, is that he didn't get to watch me grow up, he won't be there for me when I get married or have children :[ What I do know, is that I was given a second chance. My mother and father wanted what was best for us, someone to love us and be there for us NO MATTER WHAT. That's exactly what I got, I got Sally and Clint, who stood by my side and loved me NO MATTER WHAT when I screamed and them and told them I hated them, who wouldn't watch me try and take away my life. They fought for me, and fought HARD, they weren't giving up on me, and that's exactly what I needed. I was blessed. I AM BLESSED! I wouldn't want my life any other way. God has done good with me :] And if my past hadn't happened, who knows, maybe I wouldn't be sitting here writing this, or I wouldn't be with the love of my life, Justin. I believe everything happens for a reason.

Anyways, my sister is a photographer and an AMAZING photographer. I was looking at her blog today and she recently posted this - Sometimes when I get really stressed out I turn on my photo booth and sit there and make faces. Now, I will say, I HATE pictures of myself, I would rather be behind the camera but let me tell you, this is a good stress reliever. I can laugh at myself, I can poke fun of myself and I am comfortable with myself. There are 3 different days here when I was feeling a little (or maybe a lot) stressed. We got a day when I actually got dressed, did my hair and makeup, others when I definitely just look like I rolled out of bed with no makeup on. One of the things I am proud about is that I am comfortable with myself. I hope the fact that I am at ease with myself only translates to my clients. So, please, look at these silly images and imagine if I can do this in front of a camera sans makeup, how gorgeous you’re going to be when you come in for your boudoir session. Your beauty is within, once you grab onto that everything else is pretty easy.

My beautiful sister, Leah Marie.

I wish this is how I could feel about myself. Comfortable with myself in my skin, but I can't. I just can't. I definitely do wish I could though. Maybe, for now on I will try a little harder.


Guess I should go.
xo.
Jessica

Decorating & Finishing Touches

Justin and I recently bought some new stuff for our bathroom, like this shower curtain and rug and some towels to match. For some reason, I really loved this set and surprisingly Justin did too! He's so picky when it comes to colors and designs, everything has to be black, gray or blue. I need some different colors every once in a while.

One thing I hate about our apartment is there is no air conditioning so in the summer it gets really sticky and I start to feel very uncomfortable. So, we found these solar curtains that help keep cool in and heat out. I thought awesome, what a great idea. At first we bought the tan ones, but discovered that it looked like our curtains were made of skin...very gross...so we took them back and the only other color that matched was black. So we got black. I hated having black curtains, it completely blocked all the sun out and I started feeling...blah most of the time. I needed to see the sun. So we finally bought some new curtains which are white and decided to use the white and the black so that we way still got sun but not too much sun. :] But I definitely think it's much better than before.

Plants! I love love love plants. :] I'm just always afraid of killing them because then there not so pretty anymore. So Justin and I went to Steins over the weekend and bought 2. One that he loved and one that I loved. I wish we could put both in the living room though but we don't have enough room, so we decided to put his in the bedroom since mine is smaller and fits in the living room better.

Justin's Plant. 

My Plant.

 I think they are both very gorgeous.

 

That's all for now.

xo.

Jessica

Mondays

Sooo…I haven’t blogged in quite some time, probably because I haven’t had much to say.


Basically, it’s just another Monday. Usually my Mondays go very fast so therefore I love them but today has been going extremely slow. It’s probably because I don’t have much to do at work… I think most of my day was spent reading news articles on MSNBC.com. I really love that website. Well, I just love reading as long as it interests me. Some of the articles I read are sad :[ and I don’t like sad. Like this one family shot their two kids and then shot themselves because they were afraid of global warming. BUT the little 7 month old girl did survive. It’s pretty amazing that she did. God has good plans for her :]

My diet has failed so has my exercising. I have no energy, no motivation, nothing. I’ve just been exhausted these past couple days and not feeling good. And I would give anything for my cramps to go away. Being in pain is never any fun. I’m sure lots of people would agree with me, unless you like pain. Some people are into that, I’m not one of them. I’m such a baby.

Justin got an AWESOME job! I’m so proud of him. I really hope this job works out for him. He definitely deserves it. He deserves everything, he’s amazing. I would definitely say I am very lucky to have him :] He’s my sweetums.

I was suppose to hang out with Hannah today and I was uber excited to see her. I think the last time I saw her was when she had the smallest baby bump ever!! It was adorable. Ugh, I feel bad not seeing her, I really miss her, I just can’t go out. Not when I feel like I’ll be throwing up the whole time. That’s never any fun.

Yikes.
I think it’s time for me to go.
NOT feeling good one bit.
xo.
Jessica

Winter Wonderland?

Yesterday, February 9, 2010
There is snow everywhere!
At first I'm fasinated with how pretty in looks but then once I drive in it, I come to realize why I tend to hate it so much. See, I live on a hill and driving down the hill with snow covered all over it, is a car accident waiting to happen! Maybe I should invest in some new tires??? I think so.
The good side of all the snow is I get to leave work in 10 minutes...but then I'm back to driving in it. JOY! And it's hella crazy outside right now and I have a feeling plow trucks aren't out..since they weren't even out at 7 A.M.
Ugh, what a world.
Driving home, I had lots of troubles! I couldn't make it up a hill which was very scary for me because I did not want to have to back up all the way down and then have the fear of being hit or hiting another car, but luckily after about 10 minutes I made it up! I really hate my car. It's no fun, then Justin and I had lots of shoveling to do. Well, I shoveled, he used the snow blower. Oh! And our dog, Mykenzie decided to poop right on the driveway!!! I guess she couldn't tell where the grass was and where the driveway was seeing how everything was covered in snow! But, it kind of made me laugh.
I felt like crap yesterday...horrible cramps, I swear there no fun. But I'm sure every women has that problem. :(

Today, February 10, 2010
Yay for sleeping in!! I was so glad that I didn't have to be at work by 7 A.M. this morning. Instead, I had to be there at 9 A.M. Which gave me 2 extra hours to sleep. But since I was already awake...I had a hard time falling back asleep, so make that only an extra hour to sleep in.
Yesterday I decided not to work out at all, which really bumbed me because I was really proud of myself for dieting and exercising everyday...and then I just slipped up. Had some Little Ceasers Pizza (which made me sick) and I only did Pilates...then the next couple days went by and I skipped Taebo. I really was hoping I wouldn't get into this type of habit. I'll just have to try harder and really focus and push myself. RAWR! I'm hoping I can stick to it.

Boss just called. I get to leave work. Time to go home and do Pilates and Taebo!!

xo
Jessica

Day 10

It's 10:30 A.M, Wednesday morning and I'm wide awake. Work is terribly boring and although I am wide awake I can't help but close my eyes and dream about my fluffy pillow. If only I could really do that.


But instead, I'm wishing it was 3:30 so I could go home and do Pilates and Taebo. It's been taking over my thoughts, that and losing weight. There's nothing I want more than to be skinnier. That's bad for me to say, isn't it?? Unfortunately, it's how I feel and I can't ignore my feelings and those thoughts. I have a long way to go until I am down to the weight that I want to be. I'm doing this for myself, to feel beautiful. Inside and OUT! I'm being safe and healthy! This is going to be a long journey but I'm in it for the long run.


Today is day 10 of my diet. Things have been getting...better. I've lost 6 lbs and although no one can really notice...I notice. Doing Pilates has made my abs harder and stronger and Pilates is starting to get easier. It's definitely not a piece of cake nor will I ever expect it to be. Taebo is still kicking my butt but I have so much fun doing it! I made Justin leave the living room on Monday because I didn't want him to look at me like an idiot. I litterly looked like a fish. I didn't know any of the moves therefore I was jumping around, arms and legs wiggling everywhere and I was embarrassed...we've been together for 2 years now and there are certain things that I am still embarrassed to do in front of him...like workout...
On Tuesday, instead of asking him to leave the living room, he decided to do Taebo with me!! Yay for workout buddies :] Plus, that way he couldn't make fun of me because he was too busy watching the Taebo moves on the T.V. screen.


Speaking of workout buddy, I miss my best friend Laura. I hardly see her that much anymore because we both have jobs and other things going on in our lives. But I never forget to tell her that I love her or that I miss her! She knows it. I told her that I 'hit a bump' as in my weight, her awesome response, "don't lose too much weight or you'll lose your pretty curves." That girl can always make me smile, even when she's not trying.

"You're the French to my Fry"

Time for me to get back to work.

xo.

Jessica