Appointment. Birthday. Anniverary

"I don't think you're going to make it to Nov 30th, hun!" 

Those were the words said by my wonderful doctor today at my prenatal appointment. You should have seen the horrified look on my face. I was speechless.

"What do you mean I probably won't make it to Nov 30th?" 

Due to my blood pressure being completely wacked out, she thinks Laila will most likely have to be born early. Maybe around 37 or even 38 weeks. Depending on how my 24 urine results and blood pressure look. 

And at this point, things just aren't looking the best. 

I gained 5 pounds in one week. ONE FREAKING WEEK! She did say it wasn't due to eating, it's just water and swelling. So she started pressing my ankles, and sure enough, they're swollen...bad. 

I've also been seeing little stars in my eyesight, sometimes they go away and sometimes they last for a couple minutes. Crap. 

And she wants me to cut my hours to 30 instead of 40 to make sure I lay down to help the swelling. No :[ I don't want to cut my hours.  I have to make sure Laila is safe, though.

If Laila is born early, around 37 or 38 weeks, that means I only have 2 to 3 more weeks left, which scares the living crap out of me. I'm not ready for her to be out, I have SO much left to do. Yet, I keep complaining and whining that I just want her out. I guess I wasn't expecting all of this to happen though.

And if she has to be born early, I'll have to be induced. For some reason being induced terrifies me, It's not something I wanted. I wanted things to happen naturally and now that may just not happen. 

I even asked my doctor if I will be able to deliver vaginally. She isn't exactly sure yet, a lot of it depends on Laila's size. I'll be given a guesstimate next Friday, Nov 5th when I have my ultrasound. Yay for seeing Laila ! :]

So that's my baby update. I definitely wish things were going much smoother. 

Anyways, it's Oct 29th and that means...it's Justin's 25th Birthday!!! YAY. I completely love that man with my whole heart and everything I have. 

AND on Monday Nov 1st...it's our 3 year anniversary. 3 AMAZING years, can you believe that?? I swear, time flies. I am SO in love with such an amazing man!

My Birth PLAN

Since I'm getting closer to my due date with only 5 weeks left, I've decided to "attempt" to make a birth plan...using a free website of course.

I've also heard from many, many people that birth plans are pointless and doctors don't care what you want. I guess it matters to me to at least make one and try to get the birth experience that I want.

This is just a basic birth plan. Things may change.

Labor:
I would like to have fluids by mouth throughout labor.
I would like the environment to be kept as quiet as possible.
I would like the lights in the room to be kept low during my labor.

Labor Augmentation/Induction:
I do not wish to have the amniotic membrane artificially ruptured unless signs of fetal distress require internal monitoring.
I would prefer to be allowed to try changing positions and other natural methods (walking, nipple stimulation) before Pitocin is administered.

Anesthesia/Pain Medication:
I would like to have a standard epidural.

Cesarean:
Unless absolutely necessary, I would like to avoid a Cesarean. 
If a Cesarean delivery is indicated, I would like to be fully informed and to participate in the decision-making process.
I would like Justin present at all times if the baby requires a Cesarean delivery.
If the baby is not in distress, the baby should be given to Justin immediately after birth.

Episiotomy:
I would prefer not to have an episiotomy unless absolutely required for the baby's safety.
I would appreciate guidance in when to push and when to stop pushing so the preineum can stretch.
If possible, I would like to use perineal massage to help avoid the need for an episiotomy.
I would like a local anesthetic to repair a tear or an episiotomy.

Delivery:
I would like Justin and/or nursers to support me and my legs as necessary during the pushing stage.
I do not want to be offered a mirror.
I would appreciate having the room lights turned low for the actual delivery.
I would appreciate having the room as quiet as possible when the baby is born.
I would like to have the baby placed on my stomach/chest immediately after delivery.

Immediately After Delivery:
I would like to have Justin cut the cord.
I would like to hold the baby while I deliver the placenta and any tissue repairs are made.
I would like to have the baby evaluated and bathed in my presence.
If the baby must be taken from me to receive medical treatment, Justin will accompany the baby at all times.
I would prefer to hold the baby rather than have her placed under heat lamps.
I do not want a routine injection of Pitocin after the delivery to aid in expelling the placenta.

Postpartum:
I would like a private room, if available.
Unless required for health reasons, I do not wish to be separated from my baby.
I would like to have the baby "room in" and be with me at all times.

Breastfeeding:
I plan to breastfeed the baby and would like to begin nursing very shortly after birth.
Unless medically necessary, I do not wish to have any bottles given to the baby (including glucose water or plain water.)
I do not want the baby to be given a pacifier.
I would like to meet with a lactation consultant.

Photos/Video:
I would like to take still photographs during labor and the birth.

Other:
I would prefer that no students, interns, residents or non-essential personnel be present during my labor or the birth.

I wonder what my doctor will say. Hmph.

34 Weeks 4 Days.

How far along? 34 weeks 4 days. Almost 35/35 (35 weeks, 35 days left)

Weight gain/loss: Up something.

Maternity clothes? I guess these days, I’m mostly sporting sweat pants and some open zip-up hoodies. Otherwise I do have maternity jeans, beaters and a couple tops.

Stretch marks? They’re still there and doubt they will be disappearing…ever.

Sleep? I still wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. My hip is almost always in pain from sleeping on it but all in all, I’m not complaining. Sleep has been pretty amazing.

Best moment this week? We received our pack n play and travel system and both are put together. :]

Food cravings: I’ll eat anything…well almost.

Gender: She’s still a girl!

Belly button in or out? Tough call because sometimes it’s flat, an innie or an outtie. Sometimes it’s an innie AND an outtie.

Movement? Hiccups, kicks, rolls, punch. She does it all.

What I miss? Still miss sleeping on my stomach.

Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks, like you wouldn’t believe.

What I'm looking forward to: I’m pretty excited for my appointment on Friday, yet nervous as well. My doctor will start doing internals on me :/ and at every appointment I have to have an NST (non stress test) because of my blood pressure.

Milestones: Justin felt her hiccuping last night. That was a pretty big and exciting moment for the both of us. :]

34 weeks 4 days.

Pack N Play.

See the vibrating bouncer in the corner?

That's from the lovely Sonya Marie Shirk!

Travel System.

I can't believe that pretty soon, Justin and I will only have 5 weeks left. It's amazing how fast time flies.

 I still remember taking the test at work and having a meltdown when I saw the words "Pregnant" right in plain sight. I remember cancelling my blood donation and then sobbing into Justin's shoulder because I was so frightened with the fact that there was this baby growing inside of me. This baby that I would have to take care of, support and be responsible for. I was terrified and Justin was there 100% supporting me. We we're supporting each other.

I remember the first day Laila made the smallest movement, and the day she decided it would be funny to kick mama's bladder, her first hiccup. I remember it all and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I am completely In Love!

30 Days of Truth: Day 2

Day 2.

Name something you LOVE about yourself.

1. I love my enthusiasm for life.
The smallest things in life seem to make me happy and at times I catch myself squealing like a little school girl. Whether it be a sweet comment, nice gesture, autumn leaves, sandals, cupcakes, flowers, a hug, kiss, an excellent book, or an even “I Love You.” I love my ability to love all these small things and cherish every single one of them.

2. I love myself as a mother.

I’ve always known that I wanted to be someones mama. And as I type this, there’s a beautiful baby girl cuddling up inside of me. And although Laila is still all snug and cozy in my tummy, that still doesn’t mean I am NOT a mommy. Because I definitely consider myself a mom and I love everything about it. I love knowing that in just a month, this little itty bitty baby will be wrapped in my arms.

 

3. I love my eyes.

This is probably my favorite physical feature about myself that I absolutely love. My eyes, oh they look exactly like my fathers eyes. I find them gorgeous most of the time. If only I could stare into my eyes all day long... :]

4. I love my ability to listen.

I've always considered myself to be a great listener, even if someone is talking about something that I'm not all that interested in. I'll still sit there and listen and have a conversation back with them instead of nodding my head, with an occasional "uh huh" "yeah" or even an "ah, I see."

I know I am only on Day 2 but as they go on and on I find these to be getting harder. I focus so much on the negative, I tend to have a hard time coming up with things I LOVE about myself. How said is that??

Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.

Day 2: Something you love about yourself.

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

30 Days of Truth.

I've decided to challenge myself and participate in 30 Days of Truth. If you'd like to join in, go HERE! 

I can't promise that this will be an everyday thing.

I do know that It will be a good exercise for me and I'm pretty excited.
Maybe I'll even learn new things about myself or learn to love/appreciate myself.

Day 1.

Something you HATE about yourself:
I rarely use the word hate, it's just too blunt and mean for me so I prefer to say dislike.

 

1. I dislike my BODY. My whole freaking entire body. And no, this is NOT because I am currently pregnant. I've just never enjoyed my body. I critique every inch of it. But have no motivation to do anything to change it. I've always tried to take the easy way out to get a perfect body. And to me, that perfect body, was stick thin. Think Mary-Kate Olsen. The whole outcome makes me feel lazy, which I also dislike.

2. I dislike the fact that I have a certain way to clean. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT a neat freak but I have a way that everything has to be done and if it's not good enough, I get upset like a little girl. The dishes have to be cleaned perfectly, the floor swept perfectly, the laundry folded a certain way and put back in the exact spot. It's tiring, especially when I need help from the love.

3. I dislike my insecurity about my scars. I've never felt so embarrassed about something. It's extremely uncomfortable and painful when people, strangers for that matter, ask me what happened to my arms. I have no response, no answer, nothing to say to them. I'm extremely upset and ashamed of what I did...to myself. This is something that is very difficult for me to get past. I doubt I'll ever forgive myself...but there is hope.

4. I don't like the way I hide my feelings from the person I love. When Justin and I get into an argument or if something that is said deeply hurts me, every part of me completely shuts down. I want to be alone and cry. I don't want to tell him what's wrong or for him to "try" to understand how I'm feeling when I don't even understand why I am like this. I've always had this issue. I've never been able to completely open up and explain my emotions and at times, this really hurts my relationship with Justin.

 

Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.

Day 2: Something you love about yourself.

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.

Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

Baby Shower

October 16, 2010, Sweetest Day, I had my LOVELY Baby Shower.

 The whole entire outcome was a success. 

We talked, we played games, we opened gifts, we laughed, we smiled, we ate a ton of delicious food.

Like these cupcakes, made by Justin's mama, Teressa! 

I got see my sister, Leah. 

I haven't seen her since...FOREVER! 

2 Christmas's ago, I believe.

People were VERY generous when it came to gifts.

Justin and I did not except to receive as many items as we did.

Plus there were even more gifts.

And a side view

I can't believe I still have 7 weeks left. 

I don't think my belly can stretch much further out

: /

42 Changes

What changes when you have a baby? A better question may be: What doesn't change? Here, writer and mom Rebecca Wolf lists her most notable post-baby observations. Then scroll down to read our favorite comments from readers about how their babies changed their lives.

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.
2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid. [See reader's perspective in #22 below]
3. The sacrafices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrafices.
4. You respect your body...finally.
5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.
6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.
7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.
8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.
9. Your heart breaks much more easily.
10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.
11, Every day is a surprise.
12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Horray for poop!)
13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
14. You become a morning person.
15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

From Readers...
1. You discover how much there is to say about one tooth.
2. You finally realize that true joy doesn't come from material wealth.
3. You now know where the sun comes from.
4. You'd rather buy a plastic tricycle that those shoes that you've been dying to have.
5. You realize that although sticky, lollipops haev magical powers.
6. You don't mind going to bed at 9 p.m. on Friday night.
7. Silence? What's that?
8. You realize that the 15 pounds you can't seem to get rid of are totally worth having.
9. You discover an inner strength you never thought you had.
10. You no longer rely on a clock- you baby now sets your schedule.
11. You give parents with a screaming child an 'I-know-the-feeling' look instead of a 'Can't-they-shut-him-up?' one.
12. Your dog-who used to be your 'baby'- becomes just a dog.
[Many readers begged to differ, saying things like "I disagree with #12. My dogs are my additional children." "Nothing about previous babies, whether two or four-legged, changes when a new miracle comes along." "My dog will never be 'just a dog,' and "This is sad to me. My dog is still my baby too."]
13. You take the time for one more hug and kiss even if it means you'll be late.
14. You learn taht taking a shower is a luxury.
15. You realize that you can love a complete stranger.
16. You find yourself wanting to make this world a better place.
17. If you didn't believe in love at first sight before, now you do!
18. You start to appreciate Sesame Street for its intellectual contibution.
19. You have to quit watching the news because you see every stroy from a mother's perspective and it breaks your heart.
20. You just plain love life more - everything comes together and becomes better because of one tiny person and your love for them.
21. You finally found out the real reason you have those breasts.
22. In response to #2 [above], I'd say that you where once afraid, you're now fearless. I was always very timid and shy and let myself get walked all over...but now where my kid's concerned, I'll speak my mind and really connect with my inner "b"!

32 Weeks 3 Days

How far along? 32 weeks 3 days

Weight gain/loss: Lost 3 pounds

Symptoms: Last night I woke up 3 times to pee, the other times we because my acid reflux/heart burn took a turn for the worse. HORRIBLE PAIN!  

-- This shiz will be my new BFF -->>

Maternity clothes? No way would I be able to fit into my prepregnacy clothes. Yes, I can fit into some shirts and undies...those things.

Stretch marks? They're still there. I may try Mederma Stretch Marks Cream

Sleep? The fatigue is back :[

Best moment this week? My blood pressure was lower today :D I was stoked.

Food cravings: I'll eat anything that sounds appetizing.

Gender: Beautiful Girl

Belly button in or out? Surprisingly, It's still an innie. Any minute though.

Movement? I thoroughly enjoy watching my belly do the wave

What I miss? Sleeping on my stomach, not having pain in my back (it's unbearable, almost brings me to tears) any many other things. At the same time though, I love this pregnancy (for the most part) It's a wonderful experience and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Labor Signs: Braxton Hicks

What I'm looking forward to: My baby shower is THIS SATURDAY! AHHH!

Milestones: Experiencing hiccups in my err lady bits region, ahaha, if you can even call that a "milestone"

30 weeks 3 Days

Non Stress Test Oct 12, 2010

What's Laila Up To?

What's up with your baby? She's starting to get ready for her big debut, tipping the scales at almost four pounds and topping out at just about 19 inches. In these past few weeks, it's all about practice, practice, practice as she hones the skills she'll need to thrive outside the womb — from swallowing and breathing to kicking and sucking. And speaking of sucking, your little one has been able to suck her thumb for a while now. Something else to note: As more and more fat accumulates under your baby's skin, she's becoming less transparent and more opaque.



Photos

30 weeks

Small looking

30 weeks.

Nom Nom Nom - KFC

30 weeks

31 weeks - Not so small

Holy Stretchies

Please don't make fun of me :/

Baby Update & Teen Mom, Amber

Today I had a check up with my doctor today to discuss my blood/urine results from Friday's scary appointment. Thankfully, my blood and urine samples came back a-OK :] She did mention my urine volume was around 2,400 and a normal persons (who isn't pregnant) is around 1,200. Guess I do pee a lot! 

When they weighed me, I had lost 3 lbs since Friday. Which is weird since I didn't do a lot over the weekend. But honestly, when she told me I lost 3 lbs, I was kind of happy :/ I hate gaining weight, It's a major fear of mine, so gaining weight throughout this pregnancy has been difficult for me. Ugh. I feel selfish for being happy that I lost three measly pounds. 

Does that make me a bad mommy? :/

Anyways, I guess the bed rest did help. My blood pressure had gone down drastically! YAY for lower blood pressure. Doesn't mean I am out of the clear though. My doctor will still be keeping an eye out on that and will have to lower my hours if it decides to jump back up. If lowering my hours does nothing to help my blood pressure, I won't be able to work at all. If that STILL doesn't help, Laila will be born early. 

Once again, next Friday, I will be going in for another appointment to check my blood pressure. This time I will also have to do a non stress test. They just want to keep a close eye on Laila as well to make sure she is healthy and growing at a good rate.



Keep cookin' Laila!! 

**

So remember my post awhile back about Teen Mom?!? 


Good news, Amber is being investigated by the Police and Child Protective Services. I guess the police department were not OK with her punching, slapping and kicking Gary while walking down the stairs...so they FINALLY decided to check up on it. 

“We were made aware of the domestic abuse following the episode that aired on MTV,” Public Information Officer Mitch Carroll told RadarOnline. “Based on that there was a case drafted and a detective was assigned. The Department of Child Protective Services in Indiana notified us that they had been aware of the incident as well.”


I seriously wonder WHY MTV would be OK with her doing that stuff and not trying to stop her? Guess that's TV.
I really hope she gets the help she needs!! 

Teen Mom Investigated by Police

Pregnancy Complications

Today I had my doctors appointment with Dr. Jayne. Once again things aren't seem to be going well. 

My blood pressure was SKY HIGH and they still do not know why and it doesn't seem to be getting any lower.

Once they get my urine results back, they will let me know if I STILL have blood in my urine. If so, they have to schedule an ultrasound to take a look at my kidneys to see why they aren't functioning properly.  


I was put on a NST (non stress test) while there so they could monitor my blood pressure as well as Laila's heartbeat to see if she was still doing great. Gladly, she is! 


I'm the one having issues which could cause even more issues down the road. 


I have to do a 24 hour urine test starting tomorrow, ending Sunday. 


With everything that has been going on, my doctor has officially put me on bed rest for today, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. This means that I cannot go into work Monday. 


I was completely bummed with this and am not happy about it at all. :[ 


Tuesday I'll be able to go back to work but will have to go back and see my Dr. to discuss my urine results.

From there on, my doctor and I will know more and make a plan and talk about the future and Laila's arrival.


I'm terrified that if things don't get better, they will put my on bed rest until Laila does make her arrival, which is COMPLETELY impossible because I still have to train our new employee. 


I'm terrified that they will have to induce me earlier on, when she isn't ready. 


I'm terrified that I will have to have a scheduled c-section. 


I just want her to stay in and to be healthy, for me to be healthy and to have a vaginal delivery (never thought I'd say that.)

Please Pray!



& Laila !