Oct 25, 2010

30 Days of Truth.

I've decided to challenge myself and participate in 30 Days of Truth. If you'd like to join in, go HERE! 
I can't promise that this will be an everyday thing.
I do know that It will be a good exercise for me and I'm pretty excited.
Maybe I'll even learn new things about myself or learn to love/appreciate myself.

Day 1.
Something you HATE about yourself:
I rarely use the word hate, it's just too blunt and mean for me so I prefer to say dislike.

1. I dislike my BODY. My whole freaking entire body. And no, this is NOT because I am currently pregnant. I've just never enjoyed my body. I critique every inch of it. But have no motivation to do anything to change it. I've always tried to take the easy way out to get a perfect body. And to me, that perfect body, was stick thin. Think Mary-Kate Olsen. The whole outcome makes me feel lazy, which I also dislike.

2. I dislike the fact that I have a certain way to clean. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT a neat freak but I have a way that everything has to be done and if it's not good enough, I get upset like a little girl. The dishes have to be cleaned perfectly, the floor swept perfectly, the laundry folded a certain way and put back in the exact spot. It's tiring, especially when I need help from the love.

3. I dislike my insecurity about my scars. I've never felt so embarrassed about something. It's extremely uncomfortable and painful when people, strangers for that matter, ask me what happened to my arms. I have no response, no answer, nothing to say to them. I'm extremely upset and ashamed of what I did...to myself. This is something that is very difficult for me to get past. I doubt I'll ever forgive myself...but there is hope.

4. I don't like the way I hide my feelings from the person I love. When Justin and I get into an argument or if something that is said deeply hurts me, every part of me completely shuts down. I want to be alone and cry. I don't want to tell him what's wrong or for him to "try" to understand how I'm feeling when I don't even understand why I am like this. I've always had this issue. I've never been able to completely open up and explain my emotions and at times, this really hurts my relationship with Justin.
Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

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