Nov 2, 2010

30 Days of Truth: Day 4

Day 4
Something you have to forgive someone for.

I have 3 other biological siblings, who are all amazing but I don’t get to see them as often as I’d like. My older sister, Leah, lives in Ohio. She’s an incredible and an photographer with so much talent and LOVE. I have an older brother, Dom, who is currently fighting for our country over in South Korea. Then there is me and then there is my younger brother, Matt, who is living the college life.

We were all born in Florida but none of us were raised there. At the time, my father decided to pack our bags and take us all to Wisconsin while my mother stayed behind in Florida…never to be heard from again. He was running from the law and both of them could not raise four kids while depending on alcohol and drugs.

Off to Wisconsin we went where most of our family lived. I arrived in Wisconsin with no shoes, hungry and filthy. Luckily for the time being my Aunt & Uncle Premo (dad’s brother) took me in. I wish I could have been able to stay with my siblings but no one wanted all four of us. When staying with them failed, it was time for Foster Care. Luckily, I didn’t bounce around too much and by the time I was five years old, I was living with Sally & Clint, who adopted me when I was 7.

My biological father ended up going to prison for numerous things. I don’t have too many memories but I do have some pictures. I look just like him, which honestly makes me proud because he’s a handsome man. I did have one letter from him, which was lost; he talked about how he missed me and loved me. That letter always brought me to tears. Couple years later, in his 40’s, he passed away from a heart attack. I don’t know what went on in my biological mother’s life while I was growing up. But when I did meet her two years ago, she was remarried.

Ugh, I don’t even know why I’m explaining this all out. But to answer Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

I’d say I’d have to forgive both my biological mother and father. But, it’s just been too hard for me to forgive them. I can’t forgive them for picking drugs and alcohol. I can’t forgive them for giving us up, for the lifestyle they chose. I can’t forgive my father for going to prison, and then dying. I can’t forgive my mother for not even going with to Wisconsin.

It’s been YEARS and I’d love to forgive them because I know they just wanted what was best. Saying good-bye to your child can never be easy but I just have such a hard time forgiving them because they chose their life-style. I feel selfish.

Although it's hard for me to forgive, I'm completely happy with their decision. Make sense?

Day 1. Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a play list to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

1 lovely comments:

Short Leg Lucy said...

you're stronger than I'll ever be