Dec 12, 2010

Breastfeeding...



...is hard stuff and I've definitely been struggling since day 1.

I didn't expect...

*all the pain and soreness. My nipples were SO freaking red and cracked. All I wanted to do was cry when Laila latched on.

*Laila to have latching problems with my left boob. She hates me left boob, hates it. She officially won't take it (although I still offer it) leaving me to pump and store my breast milk.

*Constantly being attached. I swear, this girl can eat. I feel like she lives on my boob. It's crazyness. Sometimes, I just want a break.
 
*I feel like all she sees me as is "food" and I want so much more than that.
 
I guess there is a lot that I expected and then a lot that I didn't expect. I wanted to be very prepared for this and now I feel like I know nothing about breastfeeding. It's just SO different that what I expected and most days I struggle. And sometimes, Laila can be a fussy eater, causing me to just cry. But maybe it's the pp hormones.
 
I hope this gets better. 

Laila is hungry. Gottaaa go! 


3 lovely comments:

Tasha said...

Hamg in there, you are not alone! Breastfeeding has been hard for me too! I want so bad to get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time! Rylin is also a cluster feeder and is alway feeding from 6-10! My second night in the hospital with Rylin she did a 6 hour cluster feed from 8pm-2am and it was so hard! It made me want to give up and call for the nurse to bring a bottle of formula so bad but I somehow I made it! Going out has also been hard for me I can't tell you howany times I've had to nurse her in the back seat oft car before going into the grocery store or a doctors appointment and I secretly envy my friends that just pour some powder and water into a bottle and give it a little shake but I know that Breastfeeding is what is best for Rylin and I'm too am still trying to figure it out!

kitten said...

Oh Jessica, I totally know what you are going through. Keep at it! After a couple of weeks, I got so depressed and my doctor made me stop breastfeeding in exchange for my sanity and "happy pills". I was crossing over from baby blues to PPD. Until this day, I regret not trying harder. Hang in there!

Short Leg Lucy said...

you're not a failure. you tried...that's the best part. you tried and she got the best part of your milk...the ones filled with all of the antibodies. I love you Jess!!! Love love love the new look of the blog