Dec 28, 2010

Post Body

It’s been 4 weeks since I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, Laila. I should be happy for myself AND my body for creating such a beautiful life and yet, I am not. Instead, I find myself hating the image I have to look at daily in the mirror. It shows what I am now.  Saggy skin and stretch marks. FATNESS.

But now, I have more important things to worry about besides the size of my belly, boobs or ass. And yet, the thoughts take hold every time I look down at myself or look in a mirror. How can I be so hard on myself when it took my body 9 whole months to become this way? Shouldn’t I relax and give myself even LONGER to let my body bounce back to what it used to be? I should, but I don’t. I dread just the thought of Justin seeing me naked. I’ve lost all confidence.

I’ve been told my others mothers that my body will not sag forever. That one day, it will get better. That the stretch marks will fade and my skin will regain its elasticity. But, I don’t believe them. I think they lie. Throughout my whole pregnancy, I thought maybe I would be lucky, that my body will “bounce back” with the snap of a finger. I’m guessing that idea came from all the celebrities who somehow look AMAZING after giving birth. 

Reality sucks monkey balls.

I hate admitting all of this. I sound selfish and ungrateful. I absolutely am in love with my daughter and am so incredibly blessed to have her in my life. But I hate that I had to give up my “already hated body” to just deal with an uglier version of it. Can you tell I have body issues? I love my daughter but hate what happened to my body. 

Maybe…just maybe, I’ll come to realize that my body isn’t THAT important. Maybe, I will become one of those mothers who adore their stretch marks and sagging belly. Maybe, one day, my body will go back to the way it used to be.  

Maybe, one day, I will stop hating my body. I’ll look in the mirror and love what I see.

One day. Only time can tell.


1 lovely comments:

kitten said...

Don't be too hard on yourself sweetie. You have to give yourself months for your body to bounce back. Heck, I am giving myself a year. I am on 7.5 months now and I like to believe that I am getting there. Once your little girl starts doing stuff, you'll forget about these issues. You will be too consumed by her cuteness and the things that she does that you won't even think of your body, trust me. Just give yourself time. I know it's hard, around when my little girl was that age, I felt like a cow and I felt like a slave of this baby who does nothing but cry. Heck, I didn't even leave the house for almost 3 months! Don't rush it, you'll get there! :)