Dec 24, 2010


Justin is a great father and an amazing boyfriend.

*Please forgive me* But some days, I don't feel that "spark" that use to be there. And deep down, I'm just having a hard time dealing with not feeling the same way I use to towards him. My priorities have changed and I feel like it's all about Laila now.

Not to mention the stress, lack of sleep, hormones and everything else that comes with having a baby. It's a lot of work! 

*Please forgive me, again* And some days, I feel like a single mother. I feel like I've taken on all the parenting duties, alone. I feed her, I burp her, I change her, I bathe her, I play with her, I sing to her, I put her to bed, I wake up in the middle of the night...
Yes, Justin does some of these things as well but most of the time I feel like I have to ask for his help. I feel like I am constantly nagging him.. And then constantly trying to control things when he does help. That is something that I have to change in order for things to get better.

I'm wholeheartedly expecting this to change over time. That that amazing spark will come back. But for now, I feel like I've failed him as a girlfriend.

I feel like I've failed myself.

3 lovely comments:

Short Leg Lucy said...

There's a book called Love and Respect by Dr. has changed the way that I view Jose and our relationship. This book, is worth every single penny you have. I'll tell you what, you can have my book! It's the best investment I've ever made and you really will approach your relationship differently. I felt the exact same way about 5 months ago. EXACT. I love you Jess

beautiful mess said...

That means a lot to me! I can't wait to see you, dear! I love you :]

Skye said...

My friend tried to 'control' her husband any time he took their baby (to feed him, change him, etc) ... eventually he stopped doing anything with the baby b/c he wasn't allowed to do ANYthing his way & she was always telling him what to do and that everything he did with the baby was wrong ... and their relationship went south (they had many other issues too).
I always remembered this and when brian and I had our baby, any time he feeds her, changes her, plays with her; I never correct him and let him do his thing... Granted he knows what to do and does everything just fine(even more than me most times!!) - but I think when men feel like they are being told what to do or corrected, it makes them retreat in the other direction. Just my 2 cents... but it made me think of my friend when you said that. Maybe it could be brought up later on after the fact...
On a positive note; It is just the beginning. You guys will get this all figured out - it takes a few weeks or months with a newborn to figure out everything and have that comfort level, etc... Feeling alone while you are trying to raise a newborn is not good.
The book that lucy mentioned sounds very good too!
I don't know you - but good luck and you can get through this - it sounds like you and your boyfriend love each other very much but are presented with this challenge of your beautiful little girl ...