Dec 18, 2010

Rough Times.

I sit here...and cry.

I'm exhausted.
I'm hungry. 
I'm in pain.
I'm lonely. 

I feel like a horrible mother at times. 
My hormones are bouncing of the wall.

Sometimes, I think I'm not cut out for this. 
That Laila deserves a better mother. 

What's wrong with me?! 

Not to mention...
I have so much guilt right now. 

Laila is officially on formula. 
My supply tanked and she started rejected my right boob as well.

Am I not good enough?! 

I know over time, things will get better. 

And I do believe that. 

I have the best daughter. My heart melts when I look into her eyes.
I've loved her since the moment I saw the words "Pregnant"
And although being a mother is challenging, I wouldn't have it any other way. 

I want my beautiful daughter, fussiness and all. 

Just send some prayers. 

Thanks. :]

6 lovely comments:

Tasha said...

I know exactly how you feel. I'm still breastfeeding but at times I wish I wouldn't even have done it to begin with because it is so inconvenient and makes me feel even more lonely than I already do because I have to isolate myself every time shes hungry, my nipples are still killing me, and sometimes I wish someone else could feed her. But then I feel bad because I know that it's whats best for her and their are moms who cringe when they have to give their babies formula! She also got a cold at 2 weeks and that made me feel like such a failure! I love my daughter sooo much but being a mom is so much harder then I thought it would be! Email me anytime if you need to talk

beautiful mess said...

I hate giving her formula but at this time I have no other option. And it KILLS me, breaks my heart to a million pieces knowing that I'm not giving her what is best and desperately wish I could. And although breastfeeding was a challenge for me, I miss it at times. I'm always wondering if Laila misses it as well :[ I cry just thinking about it. You're amazing Tasha and I appreciate everything!!!

kitten said...

Hi Jessica, you sound exactly like me 7 months ago. I also had to give up BFing... I didn't even reach 1 month. I was devastated and I cried so hard each time, and I felt guilty. I really wanted it to work out but something's gotta give. It took a while for me to get over it, and even thought that I failed as a mom but I was assured by my doctor, family and friends (especially my BFing friends) that it is OK. A lot of babies are on formula too and they all grew up just fine. Also, after giving birth, it is normal to have what they call the baby blues, but if you feel you need help because you are crossing over to PPD, talk to someone and ask help from your doctor, It is okay to ask for help and based on experience, medication helps. If you need to talk, contact me on my blog's contact form. You will be in my prayers.

kels said...

every mommy gets the weepies & the heartbreak in the first few weeks with their first born.. dont worry hun. formula isnt poison, at least you gave BF a try! thats more then most moms i know! keep your head up girl.
but if this feeling doesnt go away by your 6wk check up tell your doc. PPD is serious & needs to be treated, take care of your self so you can take care of your little love!

Skye said...

If it helps, I have formula fed my daughter since day one .... never tried BF'ing (personal choice) and my daughter is 7 months now, perfectly healthy and I can tell you, I still feel that each time I feed her is a bonding experience. Maybe I don't anything else, so for me, it has been a positive experience...

you will get through this and Kitten is right, Don't be afraid to talk to the dr about PPD. It is real and most of us get it for the first month or so... it's perfectly normal :)

Short Leg Lucy said...

you're a great person Jess. don't dwell in the momma blues...I get them still :( can't wait to see you!